I'm new to this site and this is my first post. I could put together a decent list of ADHD issues that impact (or could seriously impact, if we lived in the same house and/or were legally married) our relationship, but I wanted to ask first about the ADHD partner misunderstanding communication. This one is going to tear us apart and be our downfall in the end (which may be here soon....). My partner of 8 years (on and off) will misinterpret something I've said---usually something lighthearted---and become impatient with me, even to the point of getting angry. Each time it happens, I feel like I'm going down a rabbit hole of crazy.
He isn't a mean person; he actually has a big heart and can be a softie. But, for some reason, he takes things I say "wrong" then gets very upset when I try to tell him "that's not what I meant at all". I'm rarely (if ever) able to explain myself---it just makes things worse. So I give up quickly and withdraw until its safe to "reappear". I haven't attempted to "fix" these efforts because it so easily devolves into another negative exchange. The saddest part is he's angry over something SILLY I said that he somehow took wrong. Here's one of my favorite examples:
I was finishing up a month of skin pre-cancer treatment on my face. It was broken out in red splotches and too sore to try to wear makeup, in fact, I was wearing Aquaphor all over my face to work, which looks pretty attractive. During a phone conversation he asked if I wanted to go out that night to eat. I, KIDDINGLY and in a self deprecating way said "Sure if you want to be seen with me wearing a bag over my head" and then laughed. I was saying "yes" but warning him I'm lookin' pretty bad. I was also just joking about my face treatment. And I was in a good mood.
Instead of saying "OK where do you want to go?" or "Oh I don't mind you wearing a bag over your head, haha", he says THIS: "I ASKED you if you wanted to go out! Of COURSE I want to go out and I don't care what your face looks like! I wouldn't have ASKED you!!". He is impatient and irritable and quickly raising his voice. As usual, even though you'd think I'd be used to it, I'm thinking "Omg, here we go again. Why is he saying that? Why is he acting like I said some horrible thing? I'm being silly about how I look". I go into a bit of shock mode when this happens.
I try to calmly tell him "I know you asked me, [partner's name]. I'm just being silly, you know, self deprecating. Why are you so mad?" He's still "yelling" at me about how I could even ask him if he really wanted to go out. I raise my voice enough for him to hear me try to "explain myself" but he raises his louder. Then he begins saying "SEE, NOW we're ARGUING!" I now know the conversation is doomed, so I say "OK, [partner's name], this isn't a big deal, I was just being silly, you're mad, let's just hang up, OK?" He's still mad. He goes on another minute. I repeat that we should hang up. He hangs up without saying goodbye.
Nice. And, no, we didn't go out that night. This happens regularly in slightly different variations, but always the same theme. The added frustration is if I try to explain myself, he is just as angry because now I am telling him he's "wrong" once again and that he just can't understand anything. I realize this last part is probably due to his being criticized in his life for not understanding things (I assume). He wasn't diagnosed until his early forties.
Bottom line: he can't seem to roll with the flow of some conversations and gets upset over the lightest of things at times. Is this an ADHD thing and does anyone have this experience? I'm at a loss. I've wanted so many times to talk about it calmly (at a later time), but am afraid to try as he quickly gets impatient and irritable.
Oh yes, heard these things too
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Hi silent scream. My ADHD husband has done this repeatedly in our marriage. We've been married 31 years now, and he was diagnosed about 6-7 years ago. He takes pills for the ADHD, (concerta) but doesn't go to a psychiatrist for behavioral treatment. I've been so frustrated over the years from his misunderstanding of things I've said. He also SAYS things himself that he says one way, but he means it an entirely DIFFERENT WAY. I've had to ask him repeatedly to explain what he means so that I understand exactly what he's saying, and sometimes the difference between these is so astounding that it has made me question my OWN sanity. He thinks that I am the one who is crazy, and won't even consider that it is HIM that has the communication difficulty. He doesn't even SEE that I've tried learning so much and trying to stay calm and be understanding. It's terribly hard, and after so many years, gets lonely. I feel so alone, and he sees himself as the long suffering, patient husband with the "crazy" wife. Keep reading here on this site, and you will get much needed support. If someone doesn't answer you back right away, keep posting and people WILL answer. I pray things get better for you.
I feel your pain.
Submitted by RosaD on
I too have been married a LONG time to a man with ADD. I often wonder, "Why am I still here" He too does not recognize that I have put in so much time and effort into our relationship. He moves happily along in his little bubble and I remain miserable. I am a medical professional.I do understand ADD and how it works. I think that what has kept me here this long. However, to be truthful...that just doesn't fly any longer. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of arguing over simple things. I can no longer stand him doing the exact opposite of what needs to be done. How have you managed to be married so long?? Aren't you miserable?? In July we'll be married 24 years. My current plan is to give myself a present before our 25th wedding anniversary. I plan to divorce him as a gift to myself.
I sometimes joke to a friend
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I sometimes joke to a friend that I speak English and my husband speaks [insert favorite unusual language here; I usually say "Turkish"]. The thing is, while I can tell that we're not communicating well, he can't. Also, he's tone deaf: to tone of voice, that is. Often, he speaks in what I call a "pissy" tone but he seems to have no realization that he is doing so. It's very irritating and degrading. My young-adult daughter called him out on this last month. Yes, DH, you do this to your children, too, and they notice! It did actually seem to help a bit when she and I commented to him about this, although it took him a little while to end his fit of pique at being told that we didn't welcome his tone.
Rosered: tone of voice
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I deal with the "tone of voice" thing too. The first several years of our marriage, my DH was saying mean things with a snide "tone of voice". I tried over and over to tell him to watch HOW he says things, because it was hurting the girls self esteems. He would get SO ANGRY and say "What do you mean by tone of voice".....so I gave him an example of how he says things. I said "I love you" in a soft tone, with a smile on my face and in a kind fashion.....then I said "I love you" with a mad face and said it very ANGRILY and snarly. Then I said...."OK, which of these would you believe"? " The I love you with a smile and in kindness, or the I love you, with a mad face and snarly?" He just got angry and stormed off, saying "I don't say things like that", and "I don't know what you are talking about". I was so angry at him, because EVERYONE knows about tone of voice. (or so I thought) It still boggles my mind that he doesn't hear that.
My husband, in contrast, is
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My husband, in contrast, is very sensitive to other people's tones of voice but deaf to his own. In either case (yours or mine), this is yet another very frustrating thing to deal with.
Thank you all for the replies
Submitted by silent scream on
Thank you all for the replies----not feeling as alone on this. :-/
Tone of voice: So it sounds like it can go either way---they don't get other's tone of voice at times and they don't hear themselves (I'm generalizing). I'm around people with autism daily so this is something I'm VERY aware of. I've wondered if ADHD has some of the same challenges as autism and even if some people with ADHD on are on the autism spectrum in a small way?
And there are two things going on here:tone of voice misunderstandings AND the misunderstanding of how the WORDS are interpreted. This is the part that floors me. How is this to be solved? And, funny, my partner gets mad when I ask a rhetorical question. He'll tell me he doesn't know the answer and he'll say it in an irritable way. And I'll say "Um, partner, that was a rhetorical question. I'm not requiring a correct answer from you. Just wondering." He's so black and white. That's why I wonder about autism overlapping. Takes things so literally.
One of my husband's
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
One of my husband's therapists brought up the possibility of him being on the autism spectrum. It might or might not have been related to an incident in which a nurse voiced a complaint about my husband making comments that she considered to be sexual harassing. I could easily see him saying something offensive and not realizing it was offensive.
ADHD and autism traits
Submitted by silent scream on
Oops. Bet that was fun discussing what he said to the nurse. :- o
So we know not having a good social filter is common to both ADHD and autism. Other common traits: physical sensitivity (loud noises, certain food issues with texture or strong flavors, being surprised when touched) preferring sameness of things, understanding tone of voice, understanding implied meaning, anxiety, anything else? I just listed what my partner exhibits (and what he's admitted to himself, well, except he won't admit to not understanding some communication).
I have an adult son with autism and I work with young people with autism (special ed degree) so you'd think I'd have this down with my partner. Nope.
Possible ASD?
Submitted by smgladucote on
I was just thinking that a lot of these comments sound more like aspergers than ADHD. But the two can have some of the same symptoms. I have a son who has been diagnosed ADHD, but we are getting him screened for autism partly because of the same issues you ladies are having with your significant others, the social skills. My son cannot tell if you are being sarcastic or serious. He has a really hard time reading social qeue's. If I say a don't touch that sweetly with a smile and then again with a scowl, he cannot tell the difference and gets very agitated. My husband does the same. He misinterperates things a lot. There is a language gap of sorts. I have to constantly remind myself that I cannot talk a certain way around my husband because he won't get it. But it does help a little to realize that he really cannot help it. For my son and husband, looking a peoples faces and trying to read them is like trying to read something in chinese.
Am wondering if my SO could even be slightly Aspergers w/ADHD
Submitted by silent scream on
Boy does it help to hear others' perspectives on this miscommunication. For me, this is just half the problem and is actually the "easier" half. The other half of the problem is how he REACTS when I try to let him know that's not what I meant or how he reacts so emotionally at times to something that wasn't even meant to cause any friction at all (as in, when joking---and I don't mean joking in a mean way).
Sarcasm has been an issue with us from day 1. I've tried so hard not to use "dark humor" with sarcasm or to ask rhetorical questions b/c this gets me in trouble (or, at the very least, irritates him). I have bent over backwards at times to be sweet and try to let his irritability at interpreting something wrong roll off my back. IF ONLY there weren't so much defensiveness, this would be no big deal! This would be something to laugh at. I'm used to and around kids, teens, and adults with Aspergers---I'm used to the mismatched communication. It can be something to take lightly and move on, but instead, with my partner and I, it can mean war (which is so bewildering to me, I can't tell you). So much defensiveness on his part and, I assume, this may be from years of having undiagnosed ADHD and being told "you're wrong; that's not what I meant". (He is medicated now for some 15 years or so, but was diagnosed late in life).
Sadly (very sadly) my relationship with this man has come to an end just recently. It was too much. We were together on and off (because of these issues) for 8 years. He wants to get married and, besides the communication issues, he also has major housekeeping challenges and some significant financial issues so I am opting out of marriage and a romantic relationship. We've agreed to stay friends and, in our case, we can actually do that and both of us still can move on as well. I'm hoping we can work on these communication issues as friends since the investment isn't as high and he'll feel less threatened. I'm also wondering if I should look at him more through the lens of Aspergers (with ADHD).
Communication
Submitted by Cougar67 on
Hi Silent Scream,
Sorry to hear that and I can relate to your post. I too had a problem with my ex being so defensive and there were many times I found he was defensive and it didn't help matters with him also having trust issues especially with the opposite sex and he'd being hurt. I found there were lots of things I wasn't aware of or had a deeper understanding such as my discovering that having difficulties in processing things and therefore at times would need time to think what to say back in response to something being asked especially when in conversation. And in one particular conversation when asking him to explain something and pushing for him to respond when asked what he meant and him saying it didn't matter instead. I took it as a sign of him not caring instead my not having this level of awareness back then. Resulted in my then walking out. Things thereafter went downhill from there and I was mainly met with a Great Wall of silence and it led to many misunderstandings instead on my part. Also leaving him very confused as well. Yet in main his lack of openness largely caused the break up between us and my feeling like I was having to play detective and second guess for most part. Where as had I known any of this at the time could of perhaps approached the situation I found myself in much differently. Yet it's very hard when reluctant to want to open up and my not having many alternatives.
ADHD/Autism Links
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
I've wondered if ADHD has some of the same challenges as autism and even if some people with ADHD on are on the autism spectrum in a small way?
Hi Silent Scream,
Fellow teacher here. It's funny that you say that. I am an adult with ADHD and have and have continued to try many approaches to help my ADHD. One really great approach for people with ADHD and/or autism to consider is addressing methylation issues. This has been the single most important thing I have done for my ADHD, and I have done a lot, including meds, fish oil, zinc, vitamin D, exercise, etc... Since methylation occurs in every cell in the entire body billions of times each second, it is affecting A LOT of things, including the brain! For more info on this, see http://www.dramyyasko.com/our-unique-approach/methylation-cycle/
Dr. Amy Yasko is a Naturopathic Doctor and scientist who addresses these issues with kids, primarily working with autistic patients. She has noted that once treated for a while, her more successful patients start looking like ADHD people rather than autistic. I thought this was very, very interesting. We know the genes are related, that's for sure. We have both ADHD and autism in my family, as well!
ADHDMomof2
Thanks ADHDMomof2---
Submitted by silent scream on
Thanks ADHDMomof2---
That's worth researching. I can see how a supplement or medication can help with, say, reacting to quickly (being quick to anger or being impulsive) and other ADHD symptoms. I'm starting to wonder about cognitive behavioral therapy for "adjusting" our thought processes---wondering if this could help our communication.
Only thing is, I don't push or nag and barely even hint because I don't want him to feel defensive about me suggesting "treatment". (He is on ADHD medication, by the way).
So I just withdraw when he overreacts and wonder what to do from afar. And that's not good.
Autism and overlapping with ADHD
Submitted by Cougar67 on
Hi there, I have just read your post and you raised some very interesting points. I also feel that the two conditions overlap and I have read some interesting articles about how the two are diagnosed and can also be wrongly diagnosed. I was with someone whom had been diagnosed with ADHD yet when I read articles on the condition he did so not tick the boxes and it made me feel even more confused than I already was. However when I read up on Aspergers/Autism spectrum it gave me more of an insight. The other thing I read was that when diagnosing someone on the autism spectrum they will also look at other conditions such as ADHD as well. Yet when they are diagnosing someone with ADHD they do not do this as they believe there is no overlapping and this also explained why some individuals were wrongly diagnosed and there is currently more research going into this as I speak. It was a very interesting book and written by professionals.
Book
Submitted by silent scream on
Hi Cougar67, that *is* very interesting. Would you happen to remember the name of the book? I just remembered I have an older book about the ADHD/Autism connection. Its the only one I've seen so far, but I hadn't checked lately. I'll have to dig that book out and read it again. ;-)
Book
Submitted by Cougar67 on
Hi silent scream, the book is called The ADHD Autism Connection written by Diane Kennedy. I found out of all the books I had read up on the subject gave a real insight to both conditions and made for a very good read. I hope you find it of help
Thank you Cougar--I'll be
Submitted by silent scream on
Thank you Cougar--I'll be getting that book from Amazon. In the meantime, we've broken up--- for the last time. We can and will remain friends, at least for now, so I think there is value still in learning about ADHD and any autism connections. It will at least help me understand him better in retrospect....and as now friends (if we can pull this off!). ;-)
Yes! And that's the other
Submitted by silent scream on
Yes! And that's the other elephant in the room. To try to talk with them about how they sound or how they interpret our words incorrectly causes *more* anger and potential for MORE miscommunication.
This is exactly what I've been dealing with for 8 years. I'd said originally that we'd been "together" for 8 years on and off. The "off" times were, in part, due to this communication problem. Trying to solve it in the early days caused MORE anger and anxiety so I decided to withdraw. And each time, I withdraw a little more. I decided a long time ago that I couldn't get married to him (because he also has planning, financial, and major housekeeping issues----arrgghhh...)
This Is Not Exclusive with ADHD
Submitted by kellyj on
I run into this all the time with a variety of people and situations. My thinking on this (based) on experience is this.......Everyone has filters and defenses dependent on who you are taking to.
When I am at work and talking with the people I work directly with....we have a specific language that we all understand even to the point of being able to finish each others sentence. We understand each other implicitly.
The same is true with most of my close friends. We are on the same wave length and discussions are usually based on common interests and shared activities. There are rarely (if ever) the kind of communication issues you bring up in this topic.
The same is true with my spouse until the discussions become personal , about difficult subjects and especially when they are confrontational. When this happens both our filters and defenses kick in and finding a common language can be become nearly impossible to find between us.
When I start picking up anything that sounds like judgment or victim language.....I will usually respond with defensive language or shunning language.
Picture the Presidential debates where the language becomes so diametrically opposed to one another. First one makes a statement....and then the other will respond with a reference to something completely off the subject that the other had just made. Round and round and round........
It's called adversarial or competitive communication style.....two opposing sides competing for something or one side responding to a threat made by the other seen as the antagonist.
It sounds like this is the kind of thing that is happening here more than ADHD.
I will say that I have trouble with verbosity and being succinct...........but this come from speaking visually and seeing the forest first then the trees ie........explaining the forest by using examples and painting word pictures while the other person is talking about a specific tree.
I also have a personal issue with black and white, compartmentalize thinkers that suddenly swing to wide sweeping generalities when you try to pin them down. I I definitely like to narrow things down to the lowest common denominator and begin from there. These people and I speak a completely different language and my usual response to them is......"get lost!"
We all speak different languages all the time and never realize it.......thinking at the same time we are speaking English.
Agreed; communication issues not all due to ADHD :)
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
I run into this all the time with a variety of people and situations. My thinking on this (based) on experience is this.......Everyone has filters and defenses dependent on who you are taking to.
When I am at work and talking with the people I work directly with....we have a specific language that we all understand even to the point of being able to finish each others sentence. We understand each other implicitly.
The same is true with most of my close friends. We are on the same wave length and discussions are usually based on common interests and shared activities. There are rarely (if ever) the kind of communication issues you bring up in this topic.
The same is true with my spouse until the discussions become personal , about difficult subjects and especially when they are confrontational. When this happens both our filters and defenses kick in and finding a common language can be become nearly impossible to find between us.
JJameison,
I agree with you completely. I am not known as a difficult person at work or with friends. I have more issues with my husband, because...he's my husband! Does ADHD interfere with communication sometimes? You bet. But there are other factors at play, such as my temper, HIS temper, one or both of us thinking we know what the other is thinking, and so on... But we are BOTH ACTIVELY working on this, and it is getting better.
ADHDMomof2
From the OP
Submitted by silent scream on
I agree this isn't exclusive to ADHD and I'm very aware that others have filters and defenses. I'm usually pretty tuned in to these defenses, body language, tone of voice. I also agree we speak different "languages" but assume others understand us.
I'm talking about extreme reactions---to remarks that aren't meant to be taken defensively. My partner has some over the top reactions that leave me and others shaking their heads and not understanding what the big deal is.
There are also people who react this way (not anyone I interact with personally) who do *not* have ADHD or any similar diagnosis. So I'm not trying to pigeon hole here, but just wondering if others have this problem. Like I said, I'm around teens and young adults with autism and some with bipolar as well and I see this more often with many of them. I do not see this extreme with others in my life.
Thanks for your perspective.
Ah-HA! The Implication Game!
Submitted by jlhrva on
"The added frustration is if I try to explain myself, he is just as angry because now I am telling him he's "wrong" once again and that he just can't understand anything"
I know this is an older thread, but you have EXACTLY described the conversation pattern in my relationship, and it derails nearly every discussion of any actual issue that I bring to the table.
1. He takes something I say as combative or aggressive.
2. I clarify that I certainly did not intend this, apologize for conveying this, and state calmly that I am simply trying to communicate an issue.
3. THE IMPLICATION GAME. "Oh, so you are saying that I'm NOT trying to communicate or be productive? So you're accusing me of (being wrong, being deliberately hurtful, etc)!"
4. I clarify that no, I am not accusing him of anything at all. I am simply stating my OWN intent.
5. Rebuttal of the implication game. "Saying that about yourself IMPLIES that I am doing the opposite. I don't understand how you can't SEE that!!!"
6. End of discussion...I defuse and walk away. Probably apologizing and accepting blame for "nagging" or "arguing".
Defusing and walking away
Submitted by silent scream on
Hi jlhrva---I applaud you by being able to walk away. Ha! Its been over a year since I posted this thread and we're still having the same issue, although I will say it happens less often, in part, because I continue to withdraw, and, to his credit, he is trying, I think, to avoid blowups.
When they do happen, I try to defuse and/or end the conversation when it starts to get heated, but he won't back down. In fact, he becomes more irrational even though I'm saying things like "can we change the subject or should we hang up now" (trying to get out of the heat of the moment with the intent, maybe, to return to the subject at another time). But he just hangs on.
Twice over the last few months, I've said something I've always felt but never actually verbalized in nine years. I told him to "Grow up". And I meant it. Not a nice thing to say, but I'm so weary of the drama when he overreacts and his inability to rein himself in (something an adult learns to do). So, yeah, I'm in trouble for saying that. Actually, the first time I said "You're a child. Grow up." I didn't say it to be mean. I said it out of the most extreme frustration and it did express exactly what I thought. At those moments, its like I'm trying to talk to a child having a tantrum, and, after all these years, I'm calling it like it is. Not helpful, I realize. Cathartic though. :-/
In the meantime, I've asked repeatedly if we could please set up a time to discuss this communication issue. I've stressed that we need to create ground rules that we both agree to and that our goal would be to have a productive and positive conversation to come up with a solution----something we both can agree to try next time this miscommunication occurs. He has mostly ignored my requests and life goes on. I finally asked again last night and after he told me reasons why "it never works" (even though we actually haven't fully DONE this), he finally agreed to a date and time. So fingers crossed. I'm going to read up, again, on effective communication and hope something sticks.
Related Thread
Submitted by jlhrva on
So sorry to hear you're still dealing with these issues - did you decide to give the relationship another go? I am on my 3rd 'try again' in this relationship...
Several of us 'regulars' have had a very enlightening discussion going on that is highly related to this topic on a thread that i believe is called "His Tantrums are Killing Me"...recently posted by a new member. There is some good stuff there that may prove helpful to you in re-framing your perception of the communication Catch 22s. Another member recently asked me about the feasibility/reasonability of asking them to learn to take responsibility for their tone/actions when in heated discussions...worth the read-through, at any rate.
Thank you--will check that out
Submitted by silent scream on
Hey thank you jlhrva I am going to read that thread along with other that deal with this. It helps so much to hear what others are doing to make things better----or try to make things better. We can only change ourselves and make efforts to communicate more effectively (positively! we try!) with them. Bottom line is whether they also make the effort. But I know there is more I can do on my end to help *him* communicate better. Sometimes, the thought of it wears me out. ;-)
p.s. Asking him to take responsibility for his tone sounds like a mature thing for him to do. Based on past experience with him, he would turn it back on me---that *I* need to take responsibility for my tone--the old defend and deflect technique. So I will take responsibility for my tone. Patience patience patience.....
Whereas...
Submitted by jlhrva on
Yours would turn it back around on you, whereas mine would tell me that it was hurtful for me to have this expectation of him, and that by having it, I am actually accusing him of (insert 16 things). OR, just tell me "that's not what's happening".
Sigh. It's really comical sometimes. Except when it's soul-crushingly depressing.
Last night he decided that I was 'jerking away from him', because I was squirming and uncomfortable on the couch. No amount of explaining that I was just uncomfortable got through, at all. I was deliberately pulling away from him, whether I understsood what I was doing or not.
Now, the most recent argument we've had started with me trying to softly explain to him that he had been turning his back and pulling away from me for most of a weekend, and that this behavior could be interpreted as closed-off or hostile. It is a no-go zone for me to try to show him how his conduct impacts those around him. He's just "not doing" whatever it is that I am trying to get him to see. And if I continue to try to explain that he IS doing something that can be perceived this way, I will be roundly attacked for calling him a liar and not accepting what he tells me IS the true nature and intent of his action.
But apparently, conversely, it is absolutely fine for him to insist that he knows better than me how I am personally behaving.
Why? Why does he know "what I'm doing", even if I am not and insist that I am not, but I have no ability to even explain that although he may not mean something, his actions/words are coming across that way?
And the funniest part (if it wasn't so sad), is that he truly doesn't even see the commonality between the 2 situations. There is some elaborate construct in his mind that allows him to see what he is telling me about my behavior on the couch ("you're pulling away from me") as fundamentally different from me saying, "hey, you've been turning away from me all morning, is something wrong?".
He can tell me what I AM doing, and insist that it is so whether I recognize it or not. But if I even suggest that he "is" doing something....BOOM. No he isn't, how dare I think that it's my place to tell him what he's doing, I'm calling him a liar, making him out to be an as%h*le, etc, etc, etc. This will invariably trigger a 3-day fight.
Last night I just hugged him and said "I love you, please let's end this discussion now".
He wanders off, presumably downstairs to his shop. Half an hour later I go to get ready for bed, he's in bed with the lights off. I ask why (he always stays up late, and we either go to bed together or he comes in later - always). He responds that I was "acting angry" and he "doesn't know what to do when [I'm] like that". I said very calmly that I was not and am not angry at all.
So now I'm in trouble for "calling him a liar" and "making a big deal out of a situation" that "I caused in the first place."
Nevermind that this entire scenario was him deciding what I am doing, and ascribing intent to it, not listening to clarification or trying to discuss with me, then pouting off to bed like a child in a tantrum. It's apparently MY fault. Even though I was literally a bystander to the whole thing.
No idea how much longer I can cope without just losing my head and screaming "GROW UP!! ACT LIKE A FREAKING ADULT!!!"