I used to post here all the time but I eventually left my ADD husband and stopped posting. I left 3 years ago, and we've been divorced for 2 years. I realized there was no way I could live with him. He cut off all communication with me and his family made it clear they didn't want to hear from me any more, and I accepted that. I moved to a town 90 miles away to live with my daughter, got a job and, eventually, my own place.
Before Christmas, I went to an event in our hometown. I stopped by his place because I wanted to collect a couple of things my movers didn't get, and check on our dog and cat. (I had hated to leave them behind but they weren't welcome at my daughter's house). I was shocked to find, literally, lots of poop on the floor along with bottles and cans and God-knows-what. The whole place smells like a litterbox. It's not just messy, it's unsanitary and unsafe. I greatly fear when he moves out that the landlord with have to remove the walls and floors to get the smell out. I didn't say anything to him about the state of the place. I signed the original lease and paid the security deposit but that expired years ago. I never expected to get my security deposit back.
So now the question is what do I do about this? His family doesn't want to speak to me. I don't know how much they know about this. I reached out to his pastor but it turns out he's retired and moved across the country. I reached out the parish nurse but she hasn't responded. Should I let him continue to destroy the house? Should I tell the landlord and get him kicked out? (God knows where a guy who makes minimum wage and has a dog and a cat would go.) Should I call the police? Should I do nothing? I still love him although I know we can't live together.
I know there's more going on here than ADD. He was also diagnosed with depression, before the ADD diagnosis. But I married him and took him out of his mother's house so I feel some responsibility. I'd welcome any advice.