Update!

Hello All!

Pbartender, Sherri & Aspen:  you were right!

I had a conversation with my husband last night (for the first time in about a year....)

I asked about the 'whole cake thing..."

"What do you want at the store?  Cake mix?"  I WAS in fact supposed to translate this in my head to:  "I changed my mind - I really want DD to make a cake.  Furthermore, I did not just change my mind about having a cake in general, but have now decided it's ok for her to give it to me at the party in front of my colleagues even though a couple of days ago I said I didn't want to do that in front of people whom I barely know."

progress!!!

Also - we had a talk about our life in general and how i'm 'stuck' and not working enough and frustrated because I feel there is no time for me to do anything that will lead me toward any goals.

He got frustrated and said, "WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A YEAR AGO!!!"

he'd said i should make a list of all the things I needed to do in a week, and the time needed for it all, and then we'd sit and make a schedule.  this never happened.  Why?  because the time needed for basic housework/childcare/three part-time jobs I already had plus job search time and 'goals' I'd hoped for added up to more than 200 hours for the week and I thought - ok... this isn't going to work (putting the problem in the way before I even started) and I felt guilty writing down anything that didn't immediately provide a result of money or household benefit, like an hour a day to exercise (that wasn't at a time when everyone was asleep) or prepare for my classes or researching music or - any kind of time to myself to do WHATEVER.  So - it just never happened.  DH is so stressed out all the time that I never feel like I can ask for any kind of help - he says that the reason he can't help is because I haven't made a schedule and made my needs clear.

my needs?

I can have needs and he won't think I'm selfish/wasting time/money?

I guess I just couldn't believe it a year ago.  I still am having trouble believing it.

So... instead of feeling like shit for asking him to help out with the kids or paying for a babysitter so that I can write cover letters without typos, and maybe even find a therapist or coach or something super fun like that, i'm going to put that RIGHT DOWN on my list of stuff I need to do to get out of this rut!  wheeeee!

Exciting update!!!

So glad you were able to have a good and productive talk together.  Hopefully you can work together on that schedule until it makes sense and you each are getting your needs met!

AWESOME!!! Way to go

AWESOME!!! Way to go Ellameno! And way to go for your husband to be listening and wanting to help you through this...

:)