Update and thank you ADHders and non ADHders alike

Hey everybody,

 Update: Long story short, I am right now kicking my guy out of the house. We love each other and this is the most gut wrenching, horrible decision I've ever made. He has other issues too, which I won't get into here..I'm basically sending the man I love out into the world to sleep on his office floor. Believe me I feel devastated at his suffering, but couldn't be his caretaker any more. In the 12th hour he finally got it and started to turn around. With all the begging and pleading I just couldn't believe his promises any more. This is truly awful. I love this man.

 I'd like to thank this forum and everyone here for being so educational, and supportive. For you folks w/ADD and ADHD - and you know this - there is utterly no shame in having ADHD. It just is. Whether you've just learned you have it, or have known for a long time, kudos to you for owning it and doing what you can to manage it. You rock. Just pills are not enough. Some of you may have lost spouses over it, some of you may be trying to win your spouses back. As the partner of somebody w/ADHD who I love dearly but didn't try to manage his condition, I can tell you that as long as the ownership and  intent is there, even imperfect management goes a looooooong way. Whatever works.  If that doesn't help your relationship now, it will help a relationship in the future, I'm sure of it. I feel that if my guy had taken more ownership of his behavior, our relationship would be saved. We could have even had some fun and humor with it when possible. 

 Not to throw stones, I've had my own issues and have tried to deal with them in my own imperfect way. That's the best we can do, really. 

 For you non adhders, I've gotten a lot useful tidbits from alanon, too, if that applies to you. 

 Best of luck to everyone here. Thank you, everyone

rara avis

One day at a time. I'm

One day at a time. I'm sending good thoughts your way. Thinking of you during this hard time.

Yes, Al-anon principles DO

Yes, Al-anon principles DO apply because they apply to anyone who has let another's behaviors affect them in a negative way. The first two steps of the 12 steps are probably the hardest, but once you get them you're 1/2 way there, even if they're only the first two. :-)

Best of luck to you. We are here if you need us. Everyone has their limits and there is no shame in re-claiming your life. (((HUGS)))

Thanks for the comments. I

Thanks for the comments. I really really need them. As you can imagine the guilt is overwhelming. I still question my decision. At the same time, I could not continue to carry someone who sees pooping in the bed/on the floor as okay, because he is 'sick'. 

This move has dragged out into a nightmare. My guy thinks the only reason I am kicking him out is that he ran out of meds a few times. Nothing I've said/written down regarding reasons has gotten through. I am getting blamed for everything and called cruel awful evil etc...over and over and over again. He has taken no ownership of his part in any of this. Everything is my fault. 

 I'm not home yet and hoping he's gone by the time I get there next week. He has stalled his move a couple of times. If he has not moved I will have to be even more forceful, ei legal action. I pray for my guy to stop suffering and feel better, at the same time, he has made a series of choices to make this situation even more vile and gut wrenching and stressful. 

 I appreciate the kind words, as I need a counterbalance to all the bashing I'm getting.  Also high-five again to all youse adders who have ownership of this condition. Total respect for you guys. 

rara avis