Is this pattern familiar to anyone? I'm extremely frustrated right now.
Me: [Says X]
Them: Why do you have to be so Y?
Me: I'm not Y, and here's the reason.
Them: You never listen!
Me: Of course I listen! You just called me Y, and I disagreed.
Them: I didn't call you Y. I told you that when you say X, you sound Y.
Me: Well, I don't apologize for saying X, and I don't think it makes me Y.
Them: Why can't you validate my feelings?
Me: I'm not going to agree with you that I'm Y just to make you feel better.
Them: I'm not asking for your agreement.
Me: Sounds to me like you are. You may call it "listening," but it sounds to me like you're expecting agreement.
Them: No, I'm not! I'm asking you to validate my feelings! I'm not interested in why you're not Y, only to recognize that I FEEL it makes you appear Y when you say X.
Me: I'm not going to confess to being Y when I say X, because it's not true.
Them: This is why I can never give you feedback. You always have to tell me why I'm wrong and you're right.
Me: Well, it sounds to me like you're not taking ownership of your own feelings, expecting me to accept the labels you want to put on me.
Them: This is your ADHD. It makes you so insensitive!
Me: I don't think it has anything to do with ADHD. I don't think anyone likes being called Y, and it's perfectly reasonable to expect someone to stand up for themselves when accused of it.
Them: I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just saying you SOUNDED Y when you said X, and I want you to acknowledge that my feelings are valid.
Me: [Eye-rolling] Okay, I heard you say that I seemed Y to you when I said X. I am guessing you didn't like X, and it prompted feelings of annoyance or hurt when I said it, which, in turn led you to think thoughts of Y about me. Did I get that right?
Them: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
Me: [Grumbling]. Okay, so if you feel better now, are you willing to hear why I'm not REALLY Y?
Them: No. I'm done with this conversation.