I am new to this blog. I am a 29yo F who has ADD on medications. My partner and I have know each other for ten years and have been married for 3. I have come to realize that my partner has severe undiagnosed adhd. I thought I was disorganized and spacey until I began living with him. When we dated I did pick up red flags, messy apartment, survived on take-out and dependent on his mom for many chores. Of course love is blind and I figured that he would grow out of these bad habits. Wrong. Things honestly started right after moving in together. We did not live together before marriage. We moved shortly after marriage two hours away from friends and family. I started graduate school full time. He started a new job. The biggest glaring issue is the lack of balance between household tasks. As a full time student, I feel constantly overwhelmed. He works from home but frankly gets nothing done all day. He has had 4 different jobs since starting marriage 3 years ago. When he gets a new job, two weeks later he's looking for another. It's like he can't be content to work. His effort at work deteriorates once he loses interest. He is a complete phone zombie. Spends hours on his phone mindlessly scrolling. I feel like a mean and different person now. I feel like a parent. He can't manage his health/appts, he refuses to cook or do any household chores. He will leave the dogs piss on the floor for me to clean and uses weaponized incompetence on me constantly. When I ask him to do something it never happens I tell him it take 3-5 business days for him to compete washing the dishes which at that point the dishes have piled up. I feel extremely anxious and feel overwhelmed. I realized this week that I have no desire to have children with this man. I know he will be a fun dad but will he care for the kids and do things that are needed that he may not want to do? He has not shown me that he will at all. I am so fed up. I understand he has ADHD but am unsure how to break it to him. I've become the bad guy I've said things to him that are terrible. I tell him I am a doctor I cannot manage the entirety of your life and the household and be a doctor at the same time. He tells me I'm not a good wife. My anxiety is worse than it's ever been. I'm laying in bed right now just thinking of the sink of dishes, the unwashed dog and the leaves him and his friends tracked in last night after I vacuumed. These thoughts of all the "undone" tasks only seem to enter my mind not his. If anything is to get done it's because I am "nagging" him to do so. I am honestly at the end of my rope and feel that my marriage is in shambles. I don't know how to communicate with him. I feel that he will never change. Also are sex life has suffered greatly. Now realizing that this is not because of something that is my fault. I blamed myself for our lack of sex. I realize now that it's hard to be in the mood when your partner feels more like your child then your husband. I love him but feel like I don't want to keep compromising my happiness and peace to keep things afloat. I want to make things work but feel as if I'm at a crossroads and cannot decide how to communicate how I feel. I have of course talked to him about his lack of contribution to the household. I am usually gaslit. He does not understand why it's a big deal to me. He makes jokes saying that's a women's job. He will tell me I'm a good wife when I cook a meal. My value as a wife is not dependent on how much I cater to his needs for mothering. We are new to marriage but I realize now his behavior is not normal. Being ADD myself does not help. Any advice is appreciated.