Verge of divorcing my ADD husband of 13 yrs. help me help him

I have been married to my husband for 12 years and been together for 14 yrs. we have a ADHD son age 10. I am Non-ADD 37 and husband is 40. We are at the stage in our lives where we both believe it's just easier to divorce. I love my husband. I want to help him with his worrying. 

Brief summary of us: I am a stay at home mom and he works at Hyundai motor manufacturing as he has been there for 9 years. I use to work but we agreed for me to stay home with our son. I was made aware early on husband has ADD. He is off his medication because he drank a few beers after work which led to lots of beers and I was worried about the effects so husband has been off his dextroamphetamine ADD med for 12yrs now. 

It's been a living hell since 8yrs ago when he told me he was no longer going to provide me and my son food gas diapers formula and basic needs. So I got a credit card and hid it from him. I paid it off completely by going back to work. He got angry when he found out about it and I haven't worked since then. He threatened me that if I didn't take my name off all bank account ps, house, and vehicles he would divorce me so I did as he told me. I for the last 7 yrs get a allowance from him of $70 biweekly for gas and activities for our son. He gets angry when I ask for more money. He embarrasses me at the grocery store when we check out (I am not allowed to go without him) as he tells me is spend to much of his money.

in the last 3 yrs he paid off our house and our 2 vehicles. We are debt free. Recently he bought all new furniture for our living room and our sons room and realize that he didn't have enough credit built up because he hasn't had payments so he got a loan for $2000 and that is now paid off as well. He recently got a credit card in his name with a $1000 limit. He gave it to me to spend on our gas groceries only.  I have put groceries gas and activities on it. He is angry at me for putting too much on it. 

He is always telling me he won't be able to retire because of me, he always blames me for his problems. He refuses to sleep with me, he doesn't communicate, he watches tv when he has times, he never makes time for me or our son. He is always annoyed when I try to talk to him about things that are going on. He never apologizes, he says "I love you" but I believe it's just words. He isn't affectionic, I don't feel sexually connected to him anymore and he acts as if I need to do my wifely chore to have sex with him. He is controlling my life and our sons life. I holler and scream at him at this point because I am so sick of this mess. 

I do not get along with his family as that is another whole topic. Why am I always to blame?

Why does he feel he need to say sorry?

Why does he feel he will never retire?

Why does he shut me out?

Why does he ignore me? 

Why is it always a burden to take trips together?

why is he just married to his work?

why does he feel the money is just his? 

Why does he not communicate?

why does he hate me?

what did I do?

why does he shut me out?

why does he answer a question with a question verses answering the question directly?

what is he afraid of?

where is my husband I married, loved, shared everything with, and had a child with?

I asked him to put me on all 5 bank accounts, house, cars and ect. He refused said I just want his money. I don't think I am being unreasonable I am tired of begging for money to go do the basic things in life like pay our sons soccer, go grocery shopping, buy our son clothes ect.. I am always to him his money problem. He told me he will never do that and if I didn't like the way things are then do what I need to do. I belive he is waiting on me to make the first move in filing for a divorce. I can't live in fear. I make excuses to friends that don't know I am not allowed on accounts when they ask if we can go to dinner (I don't have the money). We have $75,000 in savings accounts, and $100,000 in 401k. He makes $4,5000 a month. He works almost 7 days a week and 2 of those days he paid volunteers to work. He is married to his job. 

My last straw before is divorce him and take everything from him.