My husband was diagnosed in 2009 at age 35. It explained a lot at the time and he started on medication and therapy.
It has been a struggle for him since and on our marriage. I don't know the details of which medications were tried and what dose as I have not gotten involved in his treatment. However, i have noticed a significant change in his behavior over the last year, maybe year and a half. I now know he is on Vyvanse but don't know when he started (i think about that timeframe) or the dose (I know it has been increasing). I know he is also on an anti-depressant.
Our marriage struggles have only amplified. Not helping is him losing his job last month, his 3rd job loss since his diagnosis, his 2nd in the last 14 months. Here are the main issues I have noted:
1. Sleep. He won't go to bed more than once or twice a week before 2 am. The rest he spends on the couch watching TV or playing video games then dozes off there. Then he can't get up in the morning and runs late.
Oversleeping. Can't get up before noon when not working. When I say can't I mean when I try to get him up because we need to go he says : I can't wake/get up. He has spent more than half the day in bed the last 4 days. HIs inability to get up in the morning has been there for a long time but has just gotten much worse in the last 2 years or so.
2. Depression. He has been saying that he has never been this depressed - the job loss may not have helped mind you. This past week saying he would rather be dead. Then a few hours later he didn't mean it, he would never want to die. Then the next day he is up early, on time, laughing, getting stuff done, talking on stop etc... Total reversal. Then it will go back again. Note: His mom was bipolar and his doctor and therapist are aware and monitoring but apparently he is not bipolar.
3. Memory. Always been an issue but not this bad. We will talk about something together, he will get into the conversation, then completely forget. For instance this week we were planning a family activity for the next day, time to get up and get going etc...and the next morning he gets angry when the rest of the family is waiting for him because we decided without discussing it with him and so it's not his fault etc...
We will have discussions about our upcoming week's tasks to get done, he says he is putting reminders on his phone, then forgets that we discussed it and had forgotten to put them on his phone.
4. Anger/denial/blame and general mood. Yelling, blaming, accusing etc...It's awful. Same example as above, the morning he was late for our planned family activity was due to 3 things:
a. We decided without him, imposed our time of departure on him so how was he to know he had to get up? No recollection of our family discussion the night before.
b. MY alarm was off. He has 2 alarms on his side of the bed but apparently my alarm radio being off was the other reason he didn't know to get up.
c. He was upset that I didn't talk to him the night before. He had lost it on me that afternoon and told me to stop talking to him and to let him be (he had been in bed for over 15 hours at the time). So I left him alone. He forgot that we later had dinner as a family, and forgot that we actually discussed the next day activity above and forgot that he and I watched our favorite TV show together that evening. All he remembers is that I did not talk to him, if only for a period of time and at his request.
This is just a recent example but it's like that most days. I end up crying almost on a daily basis. He is extremely hurtful and mean followed by complete denial. According to him if I get hurt or sad it's all in my head. I am actually the one not loving to him. The most common themes from him are: If only I was nicer, more loving, more empathetic etc..."Because you" is the start of most denials.
He will "remember" positive things he supposedly has done and "remember" negative things I supposedly have done or said. Even if neither are even true. He has no recollection of negative or hurtful things he does or positives I do or say.
5. Lack of self control. He has had issues with a sexual addiction, which he now says is "gone". I have no idea but he does have a video game addiction which is turned into a spending addiction. He can and does spend HOURS playing video games on his phone. First thing he does when he wakes up, in the bathroom, on the couch, when we are out as a family he will take out his video game anytime he has a few minutes etc... He has maxed out his credit card on game credits for his phone - which is his own problem as his credit card is his own responsibility - but then he started using my account, first denying it when I saw charges on my account but then had to fess up when I called my credit card company and was about to report the transactions as fraudulent
Same for food. He knows he should try to eat better. He also has bowel issues, which may be on their own but maybe medication? Anyway, he should avoid sugar and high carbs yet will eat chocolate croissants or cookies for breakfast with a can of cola. He can't help it he says. We will have omega 3s, vitamin D and probiotics everyday on the table at dinner and he is the only one not taking them. He doesn't know why. The rest of the family does sports and exercise. He knows he should be he can't. Except for medication, he is unable to take on any other strategies that could possibly help. He doesn't know why he can't.
I know most of these are often ADHD symptoms, we have been together for over 15 years and he has only been diagnosed 7 years ago so I have known him before and most of those were there before but to a much, much lesser extent. His behavior has gotten to such an extreme I don't think it's normal. I have asked him to talk to his therapist/doctor/psychiatrist but he doesn't think there is an issue. It's all in my head apparently.
This can't continue. For him, for me, for our family.
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on