This is the second time I have posted on this site but last time, not really knowing how to do this, it ended up in a strange place in the midst of a thread and probably went unnoticed. I am married to my husband of 21 years who was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. The background to our story is in my other post under Finances and ADD. I have sought help from my pastor and another counsellor and friends and have been given probably good advice but sometimes misguided advice by people who have no understanding of ADD and how it impacts the lives of everyone affected by it or indeed the person trying to live with it and pick up the pieces of their self esteem, their career, finances and marriage. I feel very alone and so come back to this site to people who truly do understand.
What I need advice on is how you deal with the interminable waiting while your ADD husband tries to get things done. To give an example: Two years ago we were advised by financial counsellors that we needed to file for banckruptcy because we are indeed banckrupt. My paycheck, our only reliable income, is now being garnished to the tune of 25%. When the garnishment came into effect I thought that this finally would be the incentive he needed to finalise the banckruptcy which has been to the lawyer and back once already, though they may have forgotten who we are by now. Several sparse paychecks later there has still been no progress. We had words about this about 6 weeks ago and he wanted to file the taxes first so we could pay off some of our present debts with the refund so we did not lose it. Ok that seemed reasonable but it took weeks for him to get the taxes together and in the midst of that I had to stop him from abandoning it and taking off on a trip, albeit a money making venture, that I knew would cause another huge delay in the process. The taxes were filed yesterday, he is gone on his trip today. I just feel so badly that we need to get out from under this banckruptcy burden so we can see where we are at and try and begin again. I have huge frustration that it is out of my hands and I have no control over it and thus over my life.
I feel like my children and I wait and wait and wait for him and in the meantime our lives are put on hold. I can't organise the finances effectively until I get my full paycheck back, I have even had a payrise in the midst of this but the impact of that is a little lost right now. Even as I write this I feel the tension and frustration rising up in me and I don't want this to be my life. How do I deal with this, how do I address this, how do I stay patient and respectful of him? He is on medication and he does work very hard when he works on these things but if you could see the amazing document he handed to the accoutant (I am not sure what we are paying the accountant for) you would see why it takes him days and days, no weeks, to accomplish these things. I do believe with some polite reminders of our agreement that he will eventually get this done but how do I stay sane in the meantime?.
I just need some good, trustworthy advice from people who understand and have been where I am before I take the advise of misguided, though well meaning people, and leave him! I truly believe this family can make it but I also believe we have a lot of work ahead of us to make that happen.