I'm hoping for some support and feedback on walking the line between enabling and support for my ADD spouse. I didn't see this in any forums but am new to the site and probably missed it.
I have so many thoughts that this may come out as a massive jumble.
I'm really trying to understand this disorder but start to feel frustrated when it seems like i am the only one doing this. He takes his medication and occasionally sees a psychiatrist but puts little else into it. I've tried to encourage him to read (he has a learning disability as well so i know reading is frustrating for him) and have even tried to set aside time for us to read the books together. We have a new baby so time for both of us limited but i feel like this needs to be a priority. He seems uninterested and dismissive of the need to do any work. I feel torn because i want to support him but worry that it turns to enabling because i am "forcing" the work rather then him looking at it on his own.
This theme crosses into a lot of areas of our lives. With finances i finally decided to take over because bills were getting missed and was effecting both of our financial health. It makes sense for me to do this but i worry that i am taking responsibility away from him and allowing him to not have to deal with these things. I worry that i will become resentful (at times i already am) if i continually have to "take over" areas of our lives because of his inablitity to manage.
My life feels like a constant question of attributing behaviour to his ADD vs. him not taking responsibility and i guess that is really what i'm looking for is how to begin to understand/support/detach/or whatever? How do you know when a behaviour is ADD? Is it my job to figure this out? What is his responsibility? How do i support him in figuring this out? Is it enabling to try and support him in figuring it out?
It all feels completely overwhelming at times and I want this to work. I would love to hear thoughts on this and about other people's experiences.