Just found this site and I'm feeling near tears that there's so many out there dealing with my same problems. I am 35 and moved to Australia from Atlanta GA about a year ago. I married my husband Tim this past January, due to a bit of ADD impulsiveness of my own I think. Now it's September and I'm 8 months pregnant and hugely hormonal so my patience for "idiocy" has dwindled to zero, I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. None of us have been tested but I have done a lot of internet research and really believe that all 3 of us have some form of ADD. My mom bought me the book "Im not Stupid Crazy or Lazy" a long time ago and it has helped me greatly I think. I recognize the symptoms in my daughter who has concentration issues and blurts inappropriate things at the wrong time. And I am thinking my husband must have either ADD or some other neurological or chemical issue because he is madly mindboggling.
I think our biggest arguments happen after Cheyenne my daughter has said or done something that rubbed him the wrong way. I'll use tonight for example. He's agitated and making personal attacks against Chey's birth father. I let him know in no uncertain terms that it's really not his business, and to drop the subject. mind you Cheyenne is in the room and hearing all the things he's saying. But he doesn't stop, just goes on and on. Now my issue with this is 1. cheyenne is hearing this. and 2. He just had this same rant the night before, and ended the night on into this morning, apologizing and admitting that it wasn't his place to attack and say the things he was saying. So I have major issues with his symptom of saying things like I'm sorry or having conversations that seem resolved at that moment and then turning right around sometimes the very same day and it be like the previous conversation NEVER happened!
Then because we have been arguing in front of Cheyenne and she perceives how agitated he is, she starts having things to say. Like repeating something I said or making childish observations, example: she and I are in her room, straightening up and she's changing her clothes, he walks to the doorway and wants to continue the argument which I've stopped responding to for some time now mind you, (I mean SOMEBODY has got to be the adult here) and cheyenne wants to close her door to change, he sticks his foot out to block it, I let him know calmly that it's wrong for him to stop her from having privacy when she's changing. ok so he lets the door close. Then she makes the polite comment that he can talk through the door still if he wants. Well this sets him off royally. "Im not talking through any door! I pay the bills here, this is my house! Don't disrespect me!" um. overreact much? a few moments later, she closes the door again letting him know he could talk through the door, well his response is the same as before, "I'm not talking through the door" her's is a simple childish observation, considering the door was closed at this point. "yes you are talking through the door." Oh lord, here we go again, he was mighty pissed. So now he's just in a seriously agitated state right?
Move to a while later Cheyenne comes to me with her calculator and wants to play "phone" so I'm feeding her numbers and we're playing pretend. She decides to express some of her anxiety through this game and pretends to call 911 to have the police "take daddy to jail" (oh goodness) "because he's got an attitude" Oh Jehovah now she's done it. so he demands she go to her room, she says she's just playing. He's not playing, but she can't let go of the game so I step in and try to redirect her fun with ideas on who else she's calling the police on, favorite cartoon characters and so on... it's working if only he can stop mumbling and saying he's done with her and she can go live with her father for all he cares and telling me that if I buy anything for her he's cancelling my card and so on. Just really raging. Meanwhile I'm keeping up a steady light and playful conversation with her so she is not impacted by his ugly words. So here's my other major issue with him. He has such a childish sensitivity to any perceived slight, and he responds very inappropriately to a child.
And last for now, He LIES! oh my goodness he lies through his teeth for the smallest little thing, to the point that I feel like a nagging so n so because I feel I've got to dig so hard for the truth of things. I've so many examples but the latest was about 4 days ago while sleeping my spidey senses were alerted to him snagging my phone from next to me. So I asked him what he was doing and he tells a transparent whopper, I pressed for truth and the whopper shifted to a new one. He leaves the house and sends a series of text messages basically saying, I'm crazy he was just trying to be a good husband and do something nice for me but if I'm going to react like this then he'll never be nice again blah blah. I sent a reply that I know he is lying and the fact that he's keeping it up and defending the lie is really pissing me off. So when he gets back he wants to whine about why am I treating him so badly he just wants to be the best husband he can be and I'm so mean. Anyhoo so it takes about an hour and a half for him to say "you wanna know the truth?" Please imagine the nonverbal look I gave him through the slits in my eyes. He repeated that phrase like three times. I didn't say anything and he continues on, telling me finally, The Truth. He took my phone, not to put music on it, not to update it, but to look at my notes and diary to see what I've been writing about lately. (and he wonders why I've got a lock on the phone!) Anyway, I bring this up just to emphasize the lengths he'll go through to tell a falsehood, and I feel like I'm a parent and he's my naughty little boy who says he didn't eat any cookies but has the tale-tell crumbs on his shirt... he's that transparent. I'm tired of having a sulky whiny overly sensitive man child who constantly wants to assert how "head of the house" he is and how he wants to have open communication with me but he forgets conversations from one moment to the next till I'm practically tearing out my hair in frustration.
Whew! Sorry for the book but this is my situation in a nutshell. Hi I'm Tigerfly ;-)