Recently my fiancee and I have broken up. I want to win her back. She had started to see another man in the middle of the night. She said she liked to be around him and insisted it was nothing more then a friendship. I eventually let my insecurities get the best of me and would overwhelm her asking questions and wondering why her tone was the same as when we first fell in love. The last time we were around each other we had a date and it went well. We had some drinks and I fell asleep. I woke later in the night to find her gone. Her Xbox chat was still on and me hearing her voice with the other man. I listened and eventually blew up her phone because I was worried after she had drinks and was afraid he'd take advantage of her. A lot more happened but eventually I decided to move out the next day. I needed to set my boundaries. I still pay for everything in the apartment but I'm afraid she'll never get back with me now and that she's moved in to this new guy. All because I've overwhelmed her constantly and forgot about her adhd and bpd. I drove her into his arms and I know everyday they are around each other till about 2 am which frustrates me and sometimes I want to take back my apartment and tell her to just move in with this guy. She won't change my name in her phone from husband, which I think she may have just forgot. She also doesn't want to take me out her instagram bio because she doesn't want people asking questions. I know how easy out of sight out of mind is for her and it worries me because she sees this new guy everyday until late nights. I want to believe it's just her being able to talk and have some understanding. And believe it's just friends but I also know that after that night she craved his touch. I heard the words come out of her mouth. It's been able two weeks and I've really tried coping and just don't know how to win her back. Please help.
Wanting my ADHD ex fiancée back.
Submitted by Mr. Solus on 02/14/2023.
Submitted by sickandtired on
Why would you want her back? She lied to you and she cheated on you. You're not even married yet, and she already has a roving eye for other guys. You did the right thing by moving out. Now stop paying her bills, please learn to respect yourself, and move on to someone who deserves a kind person like you.
Well I don't know if she's
Submitted by Mr. Solus on
Well I don't know if she's cheated on me besides the possible emotional cheating side of things. She was able to explain everything else away and I want to believe her but I'm not sure. I know she's constantly over his house now and will eventually move in with him. That's if I don't somewhere when her back but ultimately I just don't know how to reply. I can't just kick her out with our cats she refuses to let me have and take care of.
Difficult Break Up
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
My heart goes out to you - it is so difficult to have your hopes pinned on going one direction in your life and have that direction turned on its head.
I would like to suggest you take a look at what is actually going on here, though, vs. what you wish was going on. Your (now ex) partner has repeatedly left your bed or your company in the middle of the night in order to converse with another man. This is not an innocent fling - the timing is too intimate. Perhaps it is not a physical affair (perhaps), but it is most certainly an emotional affair at a minimum. Your ex fiance is not interested in building bridges with you - if she were, she would have stayed in bed after your date.
The fact that she is trying to hide your situation from others (not taking your name off of social media for example) suggests she also knows what she is doing is wrong. Yet she is doing it, anyway.
Another thing to point out here - you are not responsible for her choices. You did not 'drive' her into this man's arms. As with any affair, she had many other options - asking you to go to counseling; delaying the wedding so that the two of you could address her issues; and more. She made this choice on her own, without your help.
My advice to you is to find a good individual counselor who can help you manage your grief and anxiety. Your ex-fiance has made her choice to not turn to you in her time of emotional need. While that is intensely painful, it is nonetheless the choice she has made.
Submitted by Mr. Solus on
It's been very difficult for me to organize my thoughts and feelings and reading your words really made everything click.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I know it hurts but I believe that you should not get back together. She hides things from you and spends time with another man. That is beyond inappropriate. And I wholeheartedly agree with Melissa when she said you didn't drive her into another man's arms. She made a conscious choice to do what she did.
With any relationship things change. It goes from being exciting and new in the beginning to something more comfortable. If she is going to look for the next shiny thing that excites her then this relationship cannot work.