I am in the midst of a bitter divorce after 7 1/2 years of marriage. We have two young boys, 6 and 7 years old. My estranged wife has a "severe case" of ADD (per her psychiatrist). She filed in August of 2015, and two weeks later had me served with a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) at my office on a Tuesday afternoon that prevented me from going home. I haven't been home since. There has never been any domestic violence, but verbal arguments became common in the months before she filed. I reacted to the hurt with anger. I truly felt like divorce was not an option, but she showed no interest in me or working on our relationship. I found out last week (ten months later) from my kids that she was having an affair. My son told me that one of the fathers of a classmate at his old preschool had been coming over to the house regularly, even while I was still living there. I'm shocked and sickened. His truck has now been parked outside our house (that I'm not allowed to go within 100 yards of) on a regular basis. He is in my house, with my wife, and she's barely trying to hide it from our young boys. My 7-year old told me, "Mommy's bed smells different now, like kind of gross."
It was me that encouraged her to get diagnosed for ADD. I knew nothing about it, but I could see she struggled with basic organization, keeping a calendar, remembering where to be when, getting anywhere on time, etc. I suggested she get help because I love her and wanted to help her. She was very angry at me that I even suggested there is anything "wrong" with her, so I never brought it up again, but she eventually went to a specialist and was diagnosed. She got an Adderall prescription, and a few months later our relationship was on the rocks. I have been able to trace the beginning of her affair/relationship (whether it was physical or emotional back then is irrelevant) back to about the same time (Spring of last year). I know she was not happy with "the way I talked to her." She wanted more adoration, more flowers, more diamonds, more gifts, more everything. I'm sure this divorced father from my son's pre-school gave her all of the attention she was looking for...she is a physically beautiful woman.
She has now filed two additional TROs (none of them have been made long-term by the Court), claiming that she's scared of me and my temper. In each one, she has taken additional custody away from me (temporarily) because she knows how much I love the kids, and that she can really hurt me that way. The Court dates get pushed out for months, then we go to Court and nothing gets resolved, so I wait another three months. Meanwhile, my boys are being neglected (she sends them to daycare all day every day), and they resent her more and more. She lies to the Court in every declaration and paints a picture of me as an angry monster that can't control my rage. It's ridiculous.
My questions for this forum are...how do I know if/how much the Adderall is contributing to her decision-making? She has been so aggressive and adversarial during the divorce, I just don't understand why. She has to know it's hurting the kids, but she clearly doesn't care. The kids used to mean everything to her, now she treats them as an afterthought. She almost pretended to care about the marriage for a few months while we went to couples therapy, but the therapist himself told me she didn't care and wasn't trying. Do ADD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder frequently coexist? She definitely has many traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I wonder if sociopath aptly describes her, but I know very little about personality disorders and psychiatry (I'm in Finance). I wonder if the Adderall has contributed to her anger and resentment toward me, if it has contributed to her decision to tear our family apart, if she even knows or cares. I'm lost, hurt, abandoned and betrayed. She doesn't even seem like the same person she was just a few years ago. Can anyone relate?