Could you guys help me (us) out???
BOTH of us are diagnosed with ADHD AND Depression. Both of us hate chores. Both of us resent each other for it. Our house is a mess - fleas, fruit flies, dirty dishes everywhere, laundry piled knee-high on the floor of the closet..... etc. It's a disaster. We ended up having to give our dog to my mom bc neither of us would remember to take him out, and he would always be getting into the trash or something and we just couldn't handle that AND our depression at the same time. We still have the two cats.
My husband is a doctor and I'm an administrative asst. He gets home at 3 - but he has a lot more work to do; notes, phone calls, etc. I get home at 6:30 and I'm completely done for the day. Usually by the time I get home, he's done with his work and playing a video game or taking a nap. I'll get home, and more than half the time I'm too tired to cook dinner so we either order out or scrounge up some microwave meals or ramen... We definitely aren't eating healthy. When we do buy groceries, half of them go bad because neither of us want to cook dinner. So we eat and watch TV together, then he'll be playing on his computer and I'll be on my phone, then around 9:30 we settle in for bed.
I've tried splitting the chore list 50/50, I've tried doing one room a day with only 3 tasks per person, we've agreed and tried doing "Saturdays we'll clean". None of this works, bc again both of us are lazy, both of us are depressed and both of us would rather play video games/watch tv. I personally felt resentment bc I felt like if I started cleaning myself, he'd help out and he doesn't, then I'd just be the maid. I've started wondering if every family is like this and as the woman of the house I just need to step up and take care of our home.
Maybe three or four times a month he'll "clean" a small area (like his side of the bed, the living room), or maybe once a month he'll actually get up and help me out. But he always says "ok I'm tired now" and I end up cleaning up after his cleaning - there's still random trash lying around, etc.
A few months ago I just gave up and decided I'm not going to be his maid, I'm only cleaning when he does. And now we're where we are now - having to throw dishes away bc stuff has been caked on them for so long.
Additionally, he is taking the week after Christmas off and I have no more PTO, bc I used it for our Honeymoon earlier this year (We've been married ~6mos but engaged for 8 years). We just got off the phone having a conversation that ended, "Well if you want this lifestyle, go back to school and get a better job." and "No, I didn't say I work harder than you. But my job IS hard and I deserve this break" - the whole conversation made me feel like he doesn't believe I deserve a break, that he doesn't believe my job wears me out too... I GET that his job is hard. I GET that it's mentally taxing. I GET that I need to let up on him and let him relax. But I don't think he respects that to me, in my perspective, I get worn down too. Especially with only 3 hours of free time in the evening and NO alone time bc he is ALWAYS home when I am home. Just that wears me out sometimes - I love him and like being with him, but sometimes I really just want some me time...
This post was a lot longer than I intended... but if ANY of you have any advice for helping us work through this, I would greatly appreciate it. I really want us to be able to get our *** together so we can have kids soon.