We have to be perfect all the time... they get to be a total mess all the time...

This is what really frustrates me about being married w/children to my husband with ADHD. I have to be perfect. I don't mean perform every task perfectly. I mean I have to have complete and total control over every emotion and response I have 100% of the time. I can be frustrated, but I don't get to show it. I can be angry, but I don't get to show it. I don't understand how any of this is supposed to help.

I tell him I'm unhappy with the relationship and if I'm doing a good job of controlling my emotions he might say "well that's your problem" or he might listen to why and agree to everything I say and change absolutely nothing while he promises to do better and puts absolutely zero effort into doing better.

The more self controlled I am the more it's used against me to take advantage of me. Yet when I calmly inform him that I'm not doing his laundry anymore and she shrinks a sweater because he didn't follow my advice and read the labels and instructions for the washer and drier then it's my fault that his sweater shrunk because "the person who was supposed to do his laundry didn't do it". I informed him that he is the person who is supposed to do his laundry and if he does it badly I can't be blamed for that.