Hi, I am the non-ADHD partner of a severely ADHD, non-managed, non-medicated husband and I'm fast approaching my wits end.

We've been married nearly 4 years and I feel that I was so naive to take on someone with his level of problems. Depressed, obese, long term unemployed. Never had a job. Has all the classic ADHD traits, talks over people, often comes across badly to others, cant finish anything, bad with money, I take on all the responsibility. I'm the sole breadwinner. Im burnt out.

He was working as a musician. Tried to retrain during covid (which I funded and supported) but I recently discovered that he overreached so massively in his final project that he didn't complete it and basically flunked the course. Thousands of job applications, endless rejections because he doesnt have the skills and or any employment experience at all. He's trying to "stay positive" so I must swallow all my fears that he'll literally never find anything. He won't hear anything that isnt what he wants to hear. Any suggestion that I make about him finding something even part time to help support us outside of the field that he retrained for is met with rage. I walk on egshells everywhere. Non existant sex life. 

I finally made it a deal breaker that he seek treatment...hoping that that will move quickly (it probably wont) but honestly i just feel so weary, like nothing will really change. Like I underestimated how seriously ADHD affects him and us. Like I was naive to take on this challenge. I thought he could retrain but seeing how he didn't manage to propoerly complete his course, I've lost the faith. He's also 20 years older than me and I just see my future supporting an old, cranky, unemployed man. All the "softly softly" management that we have to handhold them through just to get the most basic things done, im not sure i have the strength for it. I feel sorry for him because I know whatever Im experiencing is worse for him, and he is a good man who I don't want to hurt (i feel so responsbile for his entire life that i can't imagine what he'd do or where he'd even go if I told him he had to leave). So I don't want to hurt him but im not sure I want to be with him any more either...

Sorry for the venting, its just nice to be in a community where others may have experienced the same thing.