OMG, I don't know where to begin, but I will start like this,
It's now 1:07 AM in the morning, I am (home),I am not with DH,he dropped me home around 12:30 AM, but after torturing me for one hour and a half,it was a Friday evening, the day I would start my weekends with him ,since we don't live together,it is supposed to be a good weekend,but,clearly "not always",he was upset about something going on in work this week,I have seen this "mood swing" since yesterday(Thursday)and(Wednesday),I knew something was totally wrong ,but of course it had nothing to do with me,I don't think any of our fights had anything to do with me,but,I am not blaming him either.
The underlying problem have a lot to do with him being ADHD and still no treatment!! he just is not willing to make change,he told me tonight that his ADHD makes him hard hearted and he don't want to lose that,he loves being ADHD!!!. WELL GOOD FOR YOU BUDDY!!! I WISH YOU THE BEST CAUSE YOU WOULD NEED IT!!!!( I said that in my mind)
Tonight we went to the casino and I was winning ,and he was losing,he even came to me and borrowed some money to play on the slut machine,I know this give's him some sort of stimulation,so I just let him be,well we did not stay long,we left and went to get dinner and went home, but all that time I could see his restlessness,and impatience,I smelled troubled!! after my dinner he told me that they underpaid him by 7 hundred dollars in work,and some work he had finished but still did not get paid for it,his rent is due,is cable bill is due,he have car payments,and he was looking to me as if tonight was about "money",sure it was!!
He started to pick fights with me about my money now,asking me weird questions like,"are you saving,or are you broke"do you have money? or not? I try not to tell him too much of my finances especially.
WHAT!!!!! please somebody slap me right now!!!! WHAT!!! the hell is he talking about!! I am starting to feel the "ADHD EFFECT" seriously I am sooo tired all I want to do is rest and take a nap I could not deal with it at all,,, I was not in the mood to fight over childish things! especially over "money" I am very independent I never had to ask him for things and then he is questioning me about "my" finances!
The fights was stimulating him,the casino wasn't enough! the marijuana wasn't enough"nothing" wasn't enough until he touched my nerve in my heart,he told me horrible things and tortured me for 1 hour and a half,no physical abuse but,bad verbally,I am so tired right now and fed up of all this,he told me things about my kids,mother,my work,my skills"OMG,everything" when I told him to please stop and I begged and begged him to please drop me home I don't want to resent you for this,"I begged him to please stop" he went on to tell me things like this"well I want you to resent me, that's why I am telling you all those hurtful things"
Finally he decided to drop me home and he still did not want to until I gave him 10 dollars to buy some cigarette's,he said he did not want to go to the ATM for money that late at night,well I gave it to him and he dropped me home.
I am "HAPPY"!!!!! to be home(yah) no "mood swings" and no fights to face"thank god"but I am very hurt and of course I did cry,I can't say that I am leaving him for this b/c I have been through worse,but I could say with clarity that It won't be long again,I am losing love for him!!!!