The weekend lover PT (2).

OMG, I don't know where to begin, but I will start like this,

It's now 1:07 AM in the morning, I am (home),I am not with DH,he dropped me home around 12:30 AM, but after torturing me for one hour and a half,it was a Friday evening, the day I would start my weekends with him ,since we don't live together,it is supposed to be a good weekend,but,clearly "not always",he was upset about something going on in work this week,I have seen this "mood swing" since yesterday(Thursday)and(Wednesday),I knew something was totally wrong ,but of course it had nothing to do with me,I don't think any of our fights had anything to do with me,but,I am not blaming him either.

The underlying problem have a lot to do with him being ADHD and still no treatment!! he just is not willing to make change,he told me tonight that his ADHD makes him hard hearted and he don't want to lose that,he loves being ADHD!!!. WELL GOOD FOR YOU BUDDY!!! I WISH YOU THE BEST CAUSE YOU WOULD NEED IT!!!!( I said that in my mind)

Tonight we went to the casino and I was winning ,and he was losing,he even came to me and borrowed some money to play on the slut machine,I know this give's him some sort of stimulation,so I just let him be,well we did not stay long,we left and went to get dinner and went home, but all that time I could see his restlessness,and impatience,I smelled troubled!! after my dinner he told me that they underpaid him by 7 hundred dollars in work,and some work he had finished but still did not get paid for it,his rent is due,is cable bill is due,he have car payments,and he was looking to me as if tonight was about "money",sure it was!!

He started to pick fights with me about my money now,asking me weird questions like,"are you saving,or are you broke"do you have money? or not? I try not to tell him too much of my finances especially.

 WHAT!!!!! please somebody slap me right now!!!! WHAT!!! the hell is he talking about!! I am starting to feel the "ADHD EFFECT" seriously I am sooo tired all I want to do is rest and take a nap I could not deal with it at all,,, I was not in the mood to fight over childish things! especially over "money" I am very independent I never had to ask him for things and then he is questioning me about "my" finances!

The fights was stimulating him,the casino wasn't enough! the marijuana wasn't enough"nothing" wasn't enough until he touched my nerve in my heart,he told me horrible things and tortured me for 1 hour and a half,no physical abuse but,bad verbally,I am so tired right now and fed up of all this,he told me things about my kids,mother,my work,my skills"OMG,everything" when I told him to please stop and I begged and begged him to please drop me home I don't want to resent you for this,"I begged him to please stop" he went on to tell me things like this"well I want you to resent me, that's why I am telling you all those hurtful things"

Finally he decided to drop me home and he still did not want to until I gave him 10 dollars to buy some cigarette's,he said he did not want to go to the ATM for money that late at night,well I gave it to him and he dropped me home.

I am "HAPPY"!!!!! to be home(yah) no "mood swings" and no fights to face"thank god"but I am very hurt and of course I did cry,I can't say that I am leaving him for this b/c I have been through worse,but I could say with clarity that It won't be long again,I am losing love for him!!!!

lovehurts.

I forgot,

 orrr,,,I forgot to mention that he started to blame me for his ex emailing"me" I did not emailed her,,,she did!!! she was concern that he did not send the child a card for his Birthday or Christmas"nothing",well I don't know why she emailed me for but she did,and I like the big fool in the middle!!!!

lovehurts

I'm sorry

I am sorry you are going through this. I am ADHD and my husband of 15 years told me 3 days ago he was done and couldn't do it anymore. On this site I have realized its not all about ME.......and neither is this post. I can offer you what is in my mind. Have you suggested him reading these forums? I have to admit, I didn't THINK I wanted to change until I was "SLAPPED" in the face with a potential divorce. The more I read on here, the more I realize it's not about me (the ADHDer). We (most ADHD ers) tend to NOT see US as them problem, and that our spouses not showing us attention, "helping us" ( When clearly you guys DO), etc. I have been in denial about ALOT of things....until TONIGHT.  Even if my husband and I don't "make it", as long as he is happy, then I am happy. I could have never said that before. I hope this helps in some way, if it doesn't, we are not very good at analyzing either. I wish you luck.

bb2000,thanks,

Thanks for replying to my comment,but,he is more agitated than ever,he can't sit still for to long much less read, and coming here and blogging is not a good idea for him after I have posted all those things(truthful) based on our relationship, it would only make him hate me more! he is not willing to cope with the truth!!!

the truth is hard for him to face,he never likes me to pin point his failures like for EX:he never gives his kid cards or "anything" for Christmas or birthdays,when indeed the first child's mother emailed me and telling me that the kid does not want to have "anything"to do with him right now b/c he never sends presents or cards money "nothing" the kid is 14 now and has a lot of resentment for his dad,poor thingy!!! he got so mad at me just trying to let him know, well hey!! "you need to start showing some sort of concern here"this is your son"!!! he just don't want to here me and then went on to blame me for things that I am trying to help him with,he was totally losing it last night when I mentioned the email the kids mother wrote me,,but,I give up!!! I am not doing "nothing" like that again,in fact I don't even know if we would continue this relationship after what he did me, and "ALL" the build up hurt and resentment over the year is too much for me, and I am a very sketchy when coming to trying over and over and over again.

you see maybe your husband really do love you a lot!! lasting with you for 15 years is a long time to deal with ADHD un- medicated,I can't imagine the pain you "both "have been through,but,thank god you found out now! better late than never,but what I find surprising is that after 15 years and within the 15 years you found out the last 2, and now just like that he wants to give up!! but maybe he has given the last 2 years of your marriage a test and time frame, and still he has not found the improvement he was hoping for!! now don't get me wrong, he probably have been thinking about this for quit some time "ending" a marriage just don't happen abrupt!! it takes a long time while in the marriage to make up your mind, which interns lead to sometimes"lies,infidelity,mistrust,low-coping mechanism,for the non-ADHD person,in other words we tend to hang in there ,but,give up underneath,but hoping for change, ,and when we don't see no change with "time"we would just give up!!!not meaning to loving any less but just "not happy"with the situation that so constantly affects us(ADHD), and the truth is, not that we wish to end things, is just that there is no other way in a hopeless situation.

I hope he has not lost that,but I would not BS you,it's more than likely he did,I know it's been 1 year and a half and I have given up!!! already! much less him.

goodluck!

lovehurts

 

Love hurts.....

I understand what you are saying. He has said I am Narcissistic and reading blogs last night made me realize I DO have those traits. I didn't really have a childhood and I don't KNOW what happened.  Think I realized last night that it's nothing HE did, it's what I DIDN'T DO. I wasn't someone he could confide in, talk to, and BELIVE IN. I am the ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE for that. I really hope things work out for you guys. I undstand his mind, but I can say NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND YOURS MORE. I hope that makes sense. Let me know if you want to talk. I am thankfully for this site and I just hope it's not too late.  :)

 

 

Hi "B"

Hang in there "don't" give up,I read your other thread where you stated that you "gave up",hang in there,keep working on your self and things will improve for the better.Your spouse will never leave if he sees improvement, which I could clearly see that you have started already"keep it up"

good luck and take care,

lovehurts.