Weekly update - why do I try?

Sorry for the update posts - I feel like I have begun to make these here priarily for my own documentation, although hopefully others may find some value within them.

Last night I asked my estranged-withinthe-same-household-ADD-wife for a night (tonight) that we could spend together, working on "us".  She agreed.

I looked forward to it all day, although I admittedly began to feel disappointment as the evening wore on later and later her desire to "go for a walk" and the kid's needs for snacks, entertainment, etc. pushed "our time" further to the back burner.

We EVENTUALLY came together for a glass of wine together on the couch.  Conversation immediately turned to her desire to trade in her vehicle for a newer model, and the thoughts of her coworkers who were in agreement with this idea.

I asked, somewhat rhetorically: "Is this REALLY all we have to talk about?".  I asked this question calmly.

She responded by bringing out the old "list of greivances" she carries in her heart and launched into a tirade of all the wrongs I had done in the past, storming off when I informed her I would not be listening to her ad hominem attacks on me in response to a legitimate inquiry regarding the state of our relationship and my continued (although apparently futile) attempts to either save it or allow it to end in a dignified manner.

As has been her habit, she exited to the back porch.  I gave her 30 seconds and followed, only to find her (AGAIN) in a cloud of cigarette smoke - texting on her phone with a wide smile on her face.  If anyone here has read my prior posts, you will know the significance of this.

I lost my cool, demanding to know WHO she was so eager to text - with such a joyful look on her face.  I was told it was none of my business and she refused to show me - although SHE has been more than happy to take my phone and read MY texts (which were nothing at all!). She went to great physical lengths to remove her phone from my reach.  I asked her again - feeling desperate - and she again refused - mockingly - waving me away condescendingly.  In disgust - I kicked her glass of red wine that was sitting on the porch across the backyard, which felt quite satisfying in the moment but, of course, resulted in immediate accusations of being "out of control" on her part.  Of course, I wasn't "out of control" enough to look after our daughter who woke up with a cold shortly afterward while she continued her manic texting and smoking outside.

Last week I was crying in the garage after a similar frustration.  Tonight I just feel detached.  I DID attempt to reengage her and calmly tell her she was losing a good husband, which resulted in another ad-hominem tirade regarding my past "offenses" and present "inappropriateness" in attempting to speak to her at all.

I just plain and simple DO NOT understand this woman's mind.  Or my own, for that matter.  What am I even trying for?