I am reeling this morning, I just do not know how to cope with this anymore.
The last few days I have been ill with Tonsillitis, really very ill. I have been laid up since Monday. My husband really shone in this time, he cleaned the kitchen, he put me to bed, he rubbed my legs when I had a fever. However, as I got better, his behavior seemed to deteriorate, almost as if, when I was totally dependent on him, it brought out something nurturing. Of course the worm had to turn.
The last two mornings have been the worst (mornings are always thorny in our household - which I hate) yesterday we had a row from nowhere when he demanded that I may the nursery bill from my housekeeping money (all our money goes into a joint account except for the money for housekeeping which I keep, essentially so I know people will still be able to eat) I contribute over £1400 to our "joint account" every month, which is to cover nursery and joint bills and savings (which is also more than he makes in an entire month) I am immediately suspicious - what's happening with the money in the account then hun? He goes off his rocker and says, what does it matter which money we use? Eventually he concedes that he will go and pay the nursery fee's not before kicking over a chair in front of our daughter and flouncing out of the house. He doesn't even touch the breakfast that I lovingly made for him in appreciation of how nice he had been over the previous two days. I follow him out to the car, as he is dropping our Daughter at Nursery (we only have one car and I was off work due to being ill) I put the baby in the car (wracked with nerves that he is going to drive like a madman) and tell him calmly - don't ever kick a chair over in front of Alara again, that is out of order. - he tells me to F off and reverses down the drive.
He comes home in the evening, acting like everything is fine - like nothing happened in the day, but he know's I am pissed off, so he creeps around me, trying to goof off to make me laugh.I make dinner and then I sit reading Melissa's book while he studies his electrical engineering book, eventually I go up to bed, and he follows about 2 hours later.
fast forward to this morning and he gets up late, comes down to Eggs on toast, he asks me to go and pick up he thyroxine prescription from the doctors which is about 2 miles away, I say "sure hun, so if I come with you to work, I can take the car and pick you up later" he glares at me and says NO, you cant have the car today. Why do you want the car. I need the car. YOU dont need the car (even though he had asked me to run an errand not 60 seconds earlier) I say but hun, you are just going to work, where the car will sit all day until you come home, so why cant I use it. He says he needs it for lunch (which he doesn't) I ask him why, he says he just needs it, and why do I need it (again) I say to pick up his meds, he then says forget it, he can do it. I am to stay at home today. WTF??? He then flounces out to the car AGAIN. I follow him out, to get the pram from the boot (so I am NOT trapped in the house with a toddler all day) and he glares at me. I say again, you need to get this under control - he then punches the window and again tells me to F off.
I text him and say his behavior is unacceptable. It is not healthy and Alara is starting to be affected by it (she was very clingy afterwards)
He text's back "You push me to do it - that's your plan" I mean seriously? What does that even mean?
Has anyone else experienced what I consider to be serious controlling and manipulative behavior in this way? I am considering that this is something more insidious than ADHD all together. Lately, he is obsessed with saving money and makes my life very difficult if I spend anything which is not preapproved (yet he can spend what he likes on whatever he likes - total double standards) when he is challenged about this, he gets aggressive, uses shock and awe or occasionally will claim that he is trying to build a future which includes hair brained business schemes and a 5 series BMW (which would couldn't afford to drive because of the cost of petrol and insurance) He gets moody and angry if I go anywhere, even to the shop alone - yet he can go anywhere.
Any time he "acts out" it's my fault, the crappy, naggy wife. I PUSH him to do lots of things, things that he choses to do.
I just wish that he would take responsibility for his actions. I am starting to really feel hopeless and the only way to resolve this, to get some of my sanity and self esteem back is to end it for once and for all. The more it happens, the closer I get to the edge.
I don't have a huge support network, which he knows and likes I think, because then there is no one to tell me that his behavior is intolerable. So he gets to maintain his position.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I have been reading melissa's book and although I agree with most of the principles, I feel like I am way beyond any of it at the moment.