I've been thinking about forgiveness in ADD/HD relationships. My ADD spouse won't apologize about anything and yet insists that I have to forgive him which (sigh!) I always do. Over and over again... I'm finding, the need to protect myself somehow and choose to avoid conversations and situations that could provide yet another opportunity to forgive. I have to be very careful about what I say to avoid an angry retort. When he is angry, I try my best to respond and not react. This strategy is helpful but I cannot just relax and be myself. Forget social gatherings! Studies show that forgiveness eases stress but I have not read anything that addresses the wear and tear of chronic forgiveness. Evasive manuevers are stressfull too!
When something especially hurtful occurs, I find I need time to both mourn and recover before I can let go. I just want to be far away from him and withdraw. There is no explaining the situation as he loses track of what was said or forgets what happened. I struggle at times to forgive myself for being unable to find a way to communicate with him but, it's just shoulda coulda woulda. I just want to go away and lick my wounds. He says I am too sensitive (maybe) and vengeful (not) but when it works, he calls me the ice queen too (hmmm).
Any thoughts about forgiveness or coping with having to continually forgive?