The mess, no problem. I understand that I'm the one that wants things relatively picked up. So I'll do it for me, knowing it's for me.
The bills, under control. I like taking care of our finances and since I took them over we haven't been overdrawn.
Cooking, I like to cook. I don't mind doing the dishes either, especially when everything turned out well.
You work all the time, well ok. I have things I can do on my own. Your work needs you too. You're doing something important that makes a difference in people's lives.
Your iDevices, yes, you need social time. I understand (though I'm not sure you do) that this is how you maintain your social life. I can deal with the top of your head when I'm trying to talk to you.
But...the intimacy. Well, look dear, this is what you call a "monogamous lifelong relationship". Otherwise we're just friends and you're kind of a crappy room mate.
What I cannot stand in our relationship, and it's been my sticking point since we got married, is the lack of time and attention to making our sexual relationship good. You're a lust-sucker. You don't seem to have any drive on your own and admittedly have no thoughts, fantasies or desires for anything in particular. I pursue you and if we manage to make it in to bed instead of being creative and thoughtful you flounder around and ask me what turns me on. This is great right? My lover is communicating with me! Except it's the same thing every time. Why, after 20 years together do I have to repeatedly tell you the same things? Why do you have to feed off of my excitement rather than bringing anything with you? I feel forced by my body to have sex with you and I'm increasingly regretting it every time we do. You have no idea that I feel sad and resentful after sex do you. It's not because we haven't talked about it, it's because you've forgotten everything we've talked about, ever.
I feel like a whinny baby saying this here. I've read other posts and feel like my situation just isn't as bad as what others have to deal with. Still, after a long enough period of time, of being denied, put off, delayed, held back, it's getting to me, badly. Despite all her good qualities it's like this one sticks in my mind. I can't shake being forgotten and ignored when it comes to bedroom stuff. It's affected me in a bad way. I think I'm starting to fetish-ize the whole situation as a way to deal with the pain of it. It's not good. There is no good answer in all of this. None. Six years, two counselors and a couple ADHD prescriptions for you and it's all my problem to deal with. I'm being needy. I'm the unhappy one. There's something wrong with me.
There IS something wrong, you're not loving me the way I need to be loved in this relationship. If you can't bring yourself to do it maybe I should find someone that will.
Ok...I feel a little better. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.