Last night, when we went to bed, my ADHD husband suddenly said something to me "out of the blue", which first surprised me, then made me cry. It made me cry because I had longed to hear those words for over 32 years, and NOW he had come to a realization of something SO important. It was touching, and hurtful at the same time. But, I'm STILL glad he said it. It's so NICE to hear him say things that are REAL, and not "deflection", or denial, or dismissal.
He said. "You know, I never realized how TRULY messed up, I've been all these years". "I thought I was fine, and was even "better" than most husbands, only to find out how wrong and how "messed up" I've been". "I really didn't realize just HOW BAD my thinking and attitudes were". "I feel really bad that you've had to take the brunt of all this crap, and you're still here with me". "I'm sorry I've made life so hard for you, and that I've been so messed up".
It took me a minute to digest what I had just heard, and then I couldn't help the tears. But, for both our sakes, I'm so glad he said what he did.