What are some thoughts here about "best case scenario" for having a life with as little chaos as possible within the context of an ADHD marriage? What are some things that have caused the rest of you to struggle the most? How could it be better? If you knew what you know now AND STILL CHOSE TO MARRY YOUR PARTNER what would you do differently? I will start: I would not have children or many pets. I would have one, maybe two cats. As for my children, they are my world and I absolutely would not live without them now that they are here, but bringing them into the world with a spouse who has executive functioning deficits has made our home life a chaotic mess and placed an undue burden on us that I would have chosen to dodge. I also would have chosen to work full-time throughout our marriage (if there were no kids, I could have done that guiltlessly) because money issues have been brutally divisive in our home. Being financially dependent on someone with a good income but spotty management skills has been nerve-wracking. No shut off-notices! No late fees! Wow.... I would also definitely have not been down for the multiple cross-country moves we have done. Every time we have moved, it has been a huge financial setback, except this last one when my Dad finally felt sorry for us and basically gave us his grandmother's house he inherited. (we pay him for it, but not much and on paper we own it outright--which is a HUGE blessing. Last house foreclosed during the economic crash). So, to recap, for me, the things that would have made my life easier and better would have been 1. being child free 2. minimal pets 3. working full time consistently 4. maintaining residential, or at least geographical, stability. These issues must have made an impact on our children, because my DD, age 21, has already had her tubes tied (can you believe she found a physician willing to do that at her age? ) saying she would rather be set on fire than have a child--EVER. She also has ADHD, severe hyperactive, and she has seen the struggle and opted out. And I have been her biggest supporter, although none of my friends or family can fathom why I am totally on board with my young daughter having a tubal ligation when she is barely an adult. Well, spending even one day in our home at any point over the last 21 years would be enough to answer that question. ADHD makes life very, very difficult and self-management is enough of a challenge. I totally get why she made that choice and would have made the same one if I had known what I know now. (although, paradoxically, my daughter is the love of my life and I can't imagine life without her--go figure). What about everyone else? What are your "woulda", "shoulda" "if-only" scenarios and why?