I suffer with ADHD hyperactivity and impulsivity. As a kid, I was diagnosed with ADHD with the same issues when I was in kindergarten. I took ritalin up until I started high school and my parents took me off of it b/c I became involved in sports. I graduated from high school and went on to college and graduated. I am 42 now and am successful in my career.
About 5 months ago, my wife and I started to have some marriage difficulties which really brought a lot of my adhd symptoms to the service. I read both of Dr. Hallowell's books and, unknowingly, I have managed to survive and be fairly successful by applying the tips to be successfully manage my adhd symptoms without medication for all of these years. Nonetheless, I am an adult sufferer of ADHD and this has caused A LOT of damage to my marriage.
My wife is the love of my life. Nonetheless, about 5 months ago she felt that she was becoming lost in our marriage and she lost herself and her identity. In the process, she built up a lot of anger and resentment towards me. In all of this, the communication between the two of us broke down and she put up huge walls around herself to protect herself b/c I over reacted by not being the sole focus of her life. I don't want to be her sole focus but I also do not want to be no focus either.
Over the past five months she has taken off her wedding rings. Moved me into our daughter's bedroom. Has told me on a few occasions that she wants a divorce. Has given me the "I need space" lecture many times to figure things out.
Three months ago, I went to the psychiatrist and he started me back again on fast acting Ritalin. During the day, I seem to focus pretty well. The meds work for about 4 hours and then wear off. I take 10 mg 3x's /day.
Around 8 o clock, I start to lose focus and we get into our arguements around bedtime. I think part of it is I want to let her know that I am trying and I love her. Also, I am pissed b/c I want back in my bed with my wife. My daughter's bed is too short and I can't get a good night sleep. We fight or argue around 10 o clock and the next day I get up and say...why did I do that? Is there a rebound or withdrawl effect b/c the meds are wearing off.
The problem is I set out to try and give her the space that she needs but I continually blow up every attempt that I make to try and do this. I can go for about 3-5 days but then I do something stupid. I don't want to go another 5 months let alone five days like this.
All I want is for my wife and I to be happy. She realizes that I have add but she says that that shouldn't be an excuse for my behavior. I love her and the kids and she says for me to show her rather than tell her.
If anyone has experienced this or can provide help or insight...I am willing to listen.
I don't want to lose my wife and family. But because I have blown things up so much...she thinks my word isn't very good right now.
for sad hubby
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
see my main blog page, for I answered you there.