What can I do to save my marriage and help my husband?

Hi! I am 35 and married to a man with ADHD. After reading the post here I already feel encouraged and it has helped me understand my husband more easily. However, I do need your help and advice. I married my husband less that a year ago...I have three children from a previous marriage. He is 32 and this is his first serious relationship. He wowed me with heartfelt promises and he is very kind and loving man. After about three months I realized that I probably had not married the man than I thought I had. I know that taking on three kids and a wife was a huge step for him and according to him it is what he has always wanted. Our marriage is now in serious trouble even though we love each other very much. If any of you are married and you have ADHD or if you are married to someone with ADHD please help me understand how to help him because he has a hard time verbalizing for himself. Issues that we are dealing with..... The three things that I ask for when I married him was that he be honest, stable, and responsible. I didn't feel like they were unreasonable request.....but is that to much to expect?

  • He is constantly looking on line for a new job and tries to convince me to move all the time (I am not willing to move because my children are in school and honestly I don't think that he would like a new job somewhere else any more than jobs here where we live)
  • He lies all the time....even over silly things. Over things that really matter too, he would rather lie than be honest if he thinks I won't like it. (this may be completely different and unrelated to ADHD, but still a problem)
  • He wants my undivided attention all the time and hides away anytime that others are around.
  • He does not live up to promises to do things with the kids after asking them if they want to and telling them that they will
  • He does not help around the house or with any responsibilities unless he knows I am at the end of my rope and then he tries really hard to help, but only till he knows that I am over it.
  • He will not take medication for ADHD because he said when he took it years ago it affected his job, he is in sales and he said it slows down his brain to much and he can't react quickly enough to close the deal.
  • I am not sure if this is related but he has also struggled with ED his whole life....He says he can't turn his brain off long enough to concentrate on sex.

    Now please, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to imply that I am perfect or that he is awful. I love him very much and I want to understand him and know how to help him. Right now I am stressed to the max...with work, the kids, and taking care of the house it is hard to give him all of the attention and reassurance that he needs. please help before it is to late.