Is there a good way, a helpful way, to respond to my husband's twisted recall of events?
For example, one day he brought up a job from years ago, and then he says, "I only took that job because you were on board." Except that we had plenty of heated discussions where I repeatedly made it clear that the salary would not be enough and the hours would be difficult. But now, years removed, he genuinely believes that we were both on board, that we both wanted it.
Or when he says, "You know, if you would've suggested that I do XYZ, then I would've. I wish you had." I did suggest it; he said no. It wasn't a big fight. Just a quick suggestion, his declination, and life went on. But he can't remember the details of how things progressed or even his own stance on things.
If anyone remembers, he's pretty protective of his adhd, will not take meds or do anything to manage his adhd, and maintains that his adhd is an asset. And almost all of his faulty recall is in his own favor, casting himself in a much better light. And sometimes he even recalls himself as saying the things that *I* actually said or doing the things that *I* actually did.
Sometimes I can say, "Actually, I did suggest that, and here's what your response was at the time," and he says ok. Other times I can just let the story pass, because it really doesn't matter that much in the scheme of things if he thinks some events were different than they were. But as you all know, sometimes big recall discrepancies matter, and I am having trouble with a response that doesn't fan the flame of resentment on either his side or mine.