What I saw:
Him walking over to the table and throwing a stack of paper onto the table with an angry expression on his face.
Him sitting back in his chair and angrily throwing a pencil and some papers on the table.
Saying disrespectful, unkind things to me, like "You can leave. Go away!" in front of the kids.
Calling a timeout but not circling back to the conversation, nor starting the talk again.
Being sarcastic towards me when we were leaving to get on a plane. "Send me your complaints!" was the last thing he called after me as I walked away.
I asked him what he thought was going on, what he saw, and his long email rant went on for pages, but here's the gist of it:
I saw him working on his laptop, when I knew that he had other things he needed to be doing if we were going to get out of there in time to get my son. I said, "You can do that later. I'm just trying to help." His trigger thoughts were as follows: She assumes the worst in me. She is trying to control my behaviors. She is saying I'm doing something wrong. She thinks she knows better. She thinks I don't know what I'm doing. She doesn't trust me. She only harps on the negative aspects of my ADHD. She complains about me nonstop. She acts like she's the only one who cares about our relationship. All these thoughts made him very angry, and he felt justified in raising his voice, shutting me out, and then getting mean and sarcastic with me.
How can I tell him that he has a responsibility to manage his own thoughts so he doesn't get furious 6 times a day?