what do I do?

Hello! I've lurked on this site for a while, but never posted before. My husband has adhd and of course it's an issue, but since we've had kids I can't ignore the "little things" anymore but he is acting like I'm just nagging him for no reason and that he's a victim to my hangups. We have kids now. Time is a huge issue and I need breaks. If we go anwhere or do annything I have to nag him the entire day before we are out the door or we won't make it. We have two toddlers. It takes 15 minutes to put on their shoes. He was always late, but now we end up missing events altogether. He has become sneaky and possessive of his free time. If I want to go out or just need a break, I have to fight him for it. He will tell me he is going to the store for a minute and be gone for hours. It hurts my feelings and stresses me out because I may be looking forwaed to a break from the kids and he's just gone. But if I say anything he acts like I'm needlessly nagging him and says I'm accusing him of lying to me. How do I get him to do what I need without him thinking I'm just picking on him? If I yell a lot and maybe kick him out, he will work with me for a while, but i dont want to live like that. If I try to talk to him about correcting a behavior, he insists he only did it once. So I mention it every time he does it and I'm a nag. I tried focusing on the good things he does and praising him more. That totally backfired. He decided he was doing a great job and became worse than before. When I said something about it, he flipped out and said he had been doing so much better and I have been telling him as much so he knew I was just picking a fight with him for no reason.