What do you see?

I do the bookkeeping in our family, including the finances for the construction business partnership of my spouse and son.  

What exactly ARE boundaries for my end?  Let's just look at this one specific current situation:

I get home to check the online banking for random debits my spouse makes.  Usually fast food or  random materials.  Ten dollars here, fifty dollars there.  Today there was a $500 deduction.  It was a rental for a piece of equipment  I mentioned it to my spouse a bit ago.  He said "You were at work today and unavailable, so I HAD to make a decision."  (Hit a nerve IN ME since this is usual and customary behavior for him, and how odd for me that he tossed in "You were unavailable." )   I just repeated that I noticed a $500 deduction in the checking account that I was not told about.  We live by the minute - cash goes in, cash has to be spent on bills.  There is no extra, to $500 just lying around.

So I think it hit some  button, because he started saying how I was accusing him of. . . . . .

I just repeated I noticed a $500 deduction from the checking account that I was not aware of before it was deducted.   He mentioned something about replacing it, it was for a job, then went out to the RV.  Sigh.

I honestly  know my own answer.  He will not change.  He has not changed his behavior in all these years, no matter how I approach it.  I want to budget and keep the books in order, and handle the cash flow.  It is impossible when $500 just disappears out of a checking account balance that I had scheduled for other bills.  

So he is in a snit, and I am dumbfounded once again.  I do not think there is any other options left on approaching this matter of his random spending without feeling he should consider it is I who always has to MAKE IT WORK.  He spends, I make it work.   Yeah, it may be a business expense, but it threw all my planning and book keeping off kilter.    Why should he be (what appears to be mad?)  Maybe it is I who should just let him find another bookkeeper?  (LOL,I think he wont find anyone else that works for free!)

Truth is I need to make it all work because I do not want  lose our home and great credit rating.  I am proud of how I have kept up appearances, I guess. . . . . .he falls, I fall too.  How do I choose to do that?