My ADD guy and I have both been very busy with work these past few months... but recently as my schedule cooled down a little, my husband and I still spend very little time together (as in, in the house at the same time). His work is less demanding now, too, but he's filled up every available hour with hobbies and activities and other people that take him out of the house or require him to spend hours on the computer fulfilling some promise he made to somebody.
I have for years had to work one night a week, always the same night, always 3 or 4 weeks a month. For years. Yet I've just noticed that my husband never schedules any of his leisure time activities for that night I'm gone. He always stays home that night. The last three weeks I've been gone one evening, and he's been gone the next three nights. Last night, I said it's a bummer that when I'm working you're home, but when I'm home you're gone, and we have to work on our timing. He said Yeah, I miss you too. But I can't do stuff the night you're gone cause then I wouldn't ever have a night to myself. "
This took just a little more than the split second to hurt than his blurts usually do. But I thought I heard him say that he preferred, if he was busy and only got one evening at home in a week, to have it be the night I am gone. I asked for confirmation of this. He said, "Yeah, but if I get that night out of the way (referring to his evening home alone) that gives me more time to spend with you." (!?!?!??!) I asked how so? And he said "well, I know you're going to be home all the other nights, so if something gets canceled, there you are!"
Am I crazy? He was smiling like we were having a nice, fun, conversation, like he really believed his scheduling was good for us! I think he really believes he misses me. I think he probably doesn't realize how much is committing to because he says yes to things one at a time, and never adds them up. I get that it's important to have some "alone" time. I guess I just wish it would come out of his everybody/everywhere else time, rather than me. I asked if he could commit to keeping one night a week free for both of us. He said "You're not going to try to bring back date night, are you. Cause that just got to feel like a job." No, it doesn't have to be date night, I said. It has to be a night you don't commit to giving to someone else. He said he'd try, but he looked skeptical. Then he gave me a big hug, and a smile, and ... left for his next appointment.
Am I misunderstanding his intentions? He seems to think they are honorable. But I feel like ... crap. I'm almost tempted to find reasons to be gone as well, but that really doesn't seem constructive, and definitely seems childish. In addition, HE WOULDN'T NOTICE. I enjoy my time at home (gardening, for example). So anyway, I'd like a better interpretation of what he tried to say.