What does it mean to “treat” my ADHD symptoms?

I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30’s, I’m now 44. My wife does not have ADHD and tells me I’m not treating my symptoms and until I do, she’s not willing to begin counseling with me. 

I take my Adderall everyday and try to take it late enough in the day to last into the evening but not interfere with sleep. Sleep has always been an issue regardless and that’s a separate issue. 

I also see a therapist every week, I try and be mindful of my feelings (another very difficult issue for me, I have a hard time identifying how I am feeling and why I’m feeling one way or another). I have read the following books within the last 12 months:

The ADHD Affect on Marriage (twice) - Melissa Orlov 

Driven to Distraction - Dr. Edward Hallowell &Sue Hallowell 

Is it You, Me, or ADHD? (Twice) - Gina Pera

Married to Distraction - Dr. Edward Hallowell & Dr. John Ratey

The Disorganized Mind - Nancy Ratey

All About ADHD - Dr. Thomas Phelan

The Effect ADHD has on Marriage - Terrence Williams 

Games People Play - Dr. Eric Berne

Taking Charge of ADHD - Dr. Russell Barkley 

Taking Charge of Adult ADHD - Dr. Russell Barkley 

I have read tons of articles and blogs, watch countless videos, I have began attending my local CHADD meeting...

I’m blessed with high intelligence and feel I’m well read and informed on ADHD. For the life of me, I do not know what else I can do to “treat” my symptoms. 

So, long story even longer...  What is ADHD treatment, what does it look like when someone is treating it? Do they still show symptoms?  What am I doing wrong?  

My entire life I’ve always been told the typical garbage anyone with debilitating ADHD has heard; I’m lazy, I don’t care, I’m selfish, I’m not reliable, I’m irresponsible, etc.  My mind tells me I’m doing everything I can to minimize my symptoms but my wife thinks I don’t try and I don’t care. She’s even gone so far as to say I’m playing a game to see how far I can push her and how much I can get away with before she either commits suicide, is committed to a mental facility or divorces me (“because I’m not man enough to do the right thing“). 

The only thing I can think of to do is take more medication so it will last well into the night (she likes to have our “talks” after the kids go to bed and we’re about to go to bed as well. I’ve explained to her how my medication has worn off, it’s late, we’re both tired; it’s usually after midnight and she gets up at 5:30am and I at 6:30 to go to work, you can see how it’s not a conducive plan to discuss highly emotional topics even without ADHD. 

I think my wife is asking me to be cured or to not have any symptoms and that will show I’m working on my ADHD.


Please explain to my imbecilic what treatment is and what it will look like when I’m doing it so I can get started and have a relationship with my wife. 


Thank you you so much for any help!!