Like many non-ADHDers, I was the subject of hyperfocused dating by my ADHD partner (who I did not know at the time had ADHD). Within a month he said he loved me, wanted me to meet his family, etc.
I began to notice many symptoms of ADHD (angry rants, easily frustrated, drifting off in conversations, etc)... and asked him on several occasions if he had it. He would either change the subject or ignore my question. He did admit one time that he would never take meds and "doesn't need to talk to anyone", so that tells me he must've done so at some point and had a negative experience. We eventually planned on going on vacation together, and just a week prior he was still telling me he loved me... then he simply disappeared. Stopped answering texts/phone calls.
I only confirmed for sure that he had ADHD because I began to get suspicious, and Googled him and found old articles from his early adult days that reported on his petty crimes (theft, vandalism) which were attributed to his depression/ADHD. (The courts ordered a psych eval and he was given a lighter sentence in combination with rehab/anger management therapy.)
The "ghosting" came at about the 3 month mark in the relationship. I'm not sure if this was just an abrupt end of his hyperfocus, or if he became squeamish at my persistent asking about his ADHD. I'd texted him a few times since, and know that he's gotten them (my iPhone says they were "delivered" so I am assuming he hasn't blocked or deleted me... yet). I wrote to tell him I know everything... his criminal past, his depression/ADHD, etc. and that it did not change how I felt about him, and that I accept him the way he is. Still, no response.
My question is, does the end of hyperfocus mean you're just dead to them? That whatever feelings they had for you weren't real? That they just feel nothing for you now? For him having gone out of his way to avoid the ADHD topic when pressed tells me he's pretty embarrassed/ashamed of being found out. I admit we had some spats over him not following through on promises, drifting off during conversations, talking too much/not at all (to which he once replied "geez, you tell me i talk too much/too loud one minute and the next minute you're saying i'm too quiet... I just can't win with you!")... but that was all before I read several books/blogs on what ADHD actually is, and had no idea. I do feel bad for not being as understanding and patient as I could have been, and I feel I would have been had I known... so I do feel perhaps him disappearing is partially my fault for being too harsh on him when I didn't know.
So what do I do now? Should I keep trying to attempt to connect and have a dialogue with him? Should I just let it go? I care so deeply for this person (as someone who also has suffered from depression on and off), but I don't know if the whole thing was just a moment of hyperfocus for him and it wasn't real or if he's retreating because he's hurt by my handing of his behavior/ADHD disclosure. Is breaking up with someone via "ghosting" a common tactic among ADHDers? I'm really hurt he chose this action. Even if were to angrily tell me off and break up with me, that would have been better than "ghosting" and feeling like you're just discarded like garbage.