what if it is too late?

I have spent the last 15 years dealing with a relationship crippled by ADHD (recently diagnosed as "mild" by non adhd shrink), and I am wondering if I am simply done.  he is taking meds and I can see he is trying to address the things that I told him I had a problem with.  But the anger is still just RIGHT THERE any time I start to talk about what I have been through.  He has said HORRIBLE unkind things to me...admitted that he calculated they were horrible, but he said them anyway...He is not affectionate in any way unless he wants sex, which I have absolutely NO interest in...even though I have always enjoyed it with others before we got together and continue to have an active "solo" sex life.

we have a house we won't be able to sell for a while, 2 kids (4 and 15 months), and plenty of bills...so separating will be difficult and painful (apart from the emotional impact for us and our children).  But i deserve so much better then this... (and he deserves someone who isn't so angry, resentful, and bitter).

I am not sure I can get over what has gone on.  I am in therapy too.  I can't help feeling like I would just be happier living alone with my kids, not subjected (held hostage) to ever whim, the pressure for sex (and kink --  i like kink, but this always feels so contrived).

I am really trying hard to figure out if this is how I want to spend my life.  He does a lot of things right (like hold down a job and interact with the kids)...but i don't know...i might be done.