I've posted here from time to time, frustrated and looking for answers.
After four years of trying to get my wife to understand how her behavior really affected me, my feelings and our relationship, nothing has worked. Everything continued to be thrown right back at me. Now you tell me if this makes any sense! A couple of weeks ago I asked her if she'd join me for supper at Cheesecakes restaurant for her favorite meal. She was nice and we started out great. We had agreed to have a nice meal and not to discuss past events. After she was done eating her attitude changed and she once again started in on me, and brought back past events. Once again, all the pain returned and frustrations mounted. Thank God for a wonderful lady counselor who after three months of regular counseling, got through to me on how to remain cool under fire. It was not easy and she pushed all of my buttons in rapid fire. Eventually, seeing I was not reacting as she would have liked, she raised her tone of voice and other patrons who were enjoying their meals became quiet, staring at her. I asked her to lower her voice but she did not seem to care and kept at it. I got up and went to pay the bill and waited for her. Her facial expression was that of someone with pure hatred on their face. She had already forced a separation on me, and then complained I was not being "loving". How's that supposed to occur when we are separated ?
After four years of this, and counselor after counselor, psychologist after psychologist, psychiatrists and medical doctors telling me I needed to get out of this relationship, I am getting out! She has been legally served with divorce papers as of last week. Now she is truly upset, probably because she is not known to ever be wrong, or to have failed!
This is what bothers me the most about this whole relationship and ADHD. A Psychologist diagnosed her with ADHD (moderate to severe). But I can't explain away all of the behavior issues with ADHD! There has to be something else going on and I think I found it. The following link explains her exactly. This is EXACTLY what I have lived through, and experienced with this woman over the past four years of our marriage. Her own family members agree! My counselor agrees and asked me where I found this information. The author is well known in the court system when it comes to expert witness in mental health matters. Here is the link, perhaps someone you know also falls into this category and ADHD, anxiety and depression are only symptoms of this.
The following is only one page and easy to read. It is about living with difficult people.
As the article states at the end, there is likely NO treatment that will correct this behavior. It also goes on to say that you must set up boundaries and if needed, put some space between them and yourself.
I'm searching and welcome educated responses because I've never ever in my life experienced something like this. I am 56 years old, Fire Fighter with 34 years of experience, easy to get along with anyone. I can look after myself fully and never had any need for anyone to lok after me. What I wanted was a loving person without any issues. When I met my wife, one of her sisters and her husband mentioned in passing that since having met me, she was a different person. I asked what that meant and they responded by saying my wife was not so nice to get along with. She had never had a relationship with anyone, lived alone.
I read the article I posted ( link posted above ) not less then a dozen times. I cannot believe how it fits my wife so perfectly. I do not think she is anti social, although she does not like to be around people for too long and asks me to go home. Not anti social, but sure fits the other disorders.
I am posting this because so much has been said about ADHD by our Psychologist that I truly believed ADHD WAS the problem. A week or so ago she told me she did not have ADHD and that maybe "this was who she is". She also told me she quit taking her depression meds cold turkey two years ago. I hope this helps others who are being emotionaly destroyed as I have been.
I wish you all a very good day and better days ahead. Read, inform yourself, be honest, and get help before it is too late.