This post is directed to the non-ADD spouses/partners who remain in their relationship with an ADD person.
I've only been reading this blog for a short while, but I've noticed two things already. It seems that 90% of those who post are the non-ADD partners of ADD people, and 90% of those aren't happy in the relationship. I suppose that makes sense. People with ADD probably don't read the site for long before they learn what's here, get bored, and stop visiting. People who are happy in their relationship with their ADD spouse probably don't feel the need to keep reading or posting any more, so they stop visiting. That leaves the unhappy non-ADD spouses to continue reading and writing.
I've also noticed that great many different topics are started, but their endings all pretty much look the same. The threads generally progress into a story around a general theme of "It's really awful to deal with the terrible things my ADD spouse does (or fails to do)", with supporting details. Each story is then followed by a series of "Gosh, that's my marriage, too!", and "I'm so glad to learn that I'm not the only one!". There's usually a round of "Boy, they really need to change", "Don't blame yourself", "Remember that all spouses aren't like that" and "There's no need for you to put up with it". Occasionally, somebody will offer a practical suggestion, which others may or may not find useful.
All of this has left me wondering -- What keeps you in these relationships? With all the frustration expressed, is there something else that's so wonderful that it's worth all the frustration? Are you morally opposed to divorce? Is being out of the relationship even more scary than remaining in it? Are you simply trying to make up your mind, and using this forum to sort out the issues? Are you living on the hope that the good old days (when he/she was hyper-focused on you) will return?
I'm struck by the paradox that so many express so much frustration, but nonetheless stay in the relationship. Can you help me understand that?