What would you have done differently?

For those of you that have lived through something similar, what do you wish you had done when you were dealing with work, kids, and an ADHD spouse?

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40 when after the birth of our third child, our marriage started to really struggle. We have three young kids ages 4, 2, and 1. That would make anyone insane, but with my husband’s ADHD, I’m at my breaking point.

My husband’s defensiveness and moodiness are so draining. I walk on eggshells and try to do as much as I can myself, and ride the waves of the daily moods, but every week or two he spirals into a bout of insecurity and defensiveness that leads to days of us barely speaking. The stress is taking a huge toll on me and I keep asking myself if this is worth it, but with small kids, I can’t imagine splitting up.

I’m considering all sorts of things to minimize the chaos - going part time, an in-house separation, pausing retirement contributions in order to have nearly round the clock help or an au pair.

If you’ve lived through this, what do you WISH you had done? Every move feels like an enormous sacrifice right now, so what’s the right sacrifice to make? My health? My career? My marriage?