When the ADHD person says "I don't feel included in the family".

I'd like to hear some of the other people on here if you've had this expression said to you by your ADHD partner. My ADHD husband has said this many times. He gets angry at our grown daughters and me (and others) because he continually says "(I don't feel like I'm included in the family). He means this when we get together and can talk for several hours about many different things. We laugh, and cry and generally have a great time. But, we CAN'T do this when he is present, due to the fact that he mainly doesn't listen to us. He really doesn't understand how MUCH he doesn't listen to the conversations, and how little he interjects into a conversation. I don't think he even KNOWS how to HAVE a conversation unless he's talking about himself.

      We can't sit and ONLY talk about him when we are in his presence, but that is what he does. He also will say very hurtful jabs or comments when he DOES try to comment, and then the conversation has to be changed or disarmed in some way. When I've tried to talk to him (at all different times) he almost immediately says, "Is this going to TAKE very long?" (in a hurried, frustrated tone of voice) It doesn't matter what the conversation is ABOUT. He wants me to say "whatever" in a 30 second soundbyte, and it's HARD to do that most of the time. So, I learned to stop talking to him altogether unless HE says something to me first, and then I respond with a very short comment, which usually has to be positive, because anything negative is taken as hostile. We talk very little now, even less than before due to our circumstances, but now only talk about him, ask HIM questions about himself, and he's okay with that, but he STILL can't see that this is NOT meaningful conversation. (but he can FEEL that this is meaningless conversation)  He has alienated almost EVERYONE in our family, his friends and everyone else due to this.

     At the same time, he HATES that he isn't "included" in our raucous laughing and talking sessions when we are laughing about things he would consider "dumb" or "not necessary" to talk about. Do you guys deal with this? and do ADHD people EVER learn to have back and forth conversations with others in a constructive way, WITHOUT making the conversation about THEM? I know some ADHD'ers must have to learn to do this, but it doesn't seem like there are many who can.

     Does anyone know what brings this on? Is this a learned behavior, or is this again, part of their brain wiring? I have not yet been able to get him to see any different than what he believes, and I gave up trying, but it doesn't keep him from being angry about it. If he doesn't want to see it, or know any different, it's not going to change..........ever. I feel bad for him about this. He's missing SO MUCH, and he FEELS that, but still won't investigate what is behind it all.