I am not doing so well at all in my marriage with my ADHD spouse. we will be married for almost 3yrs and it has been so tough for both of us. We have been to marital therapy and it seems things stick for a week or so and then he does what he wants.
Our biggest problem is communication. I also figured out people feel and express love in different ways. my husbands way is by doing projects together. mine is by spending quality time together, (sharing ideas..etc...) When you add ADHD to this and the fact he has 4 children of his own from a previous marriage who also have special needs...life is very stressful.
Also We are still trying to fight to keep the house from a pay losse...and he insists on using the debit card even though he admits to being impulsive with his spending at times.
I have tried everything. I really have no hope anymore. I see he refuses to give up but I am at a point were I am not trying to fix the marriage any more. I am trying to save myself. Yet I walk around feeling sick to my stomach. I walk around with so much resentment towards him for all the times he has failed to do the things he said he would and more importantly for not having much empathy for me at times. I have major trust issues coming into the marriage and when someone repeatedly breaks their word and simply says they forgot...I have a hard time believe them on an emotional level. Yes, that is ADHD..but again on an emotional level..I don't believe him at all. I think he is trying to hurt me.
He tells me he loves me and that is why he is in the marriage at this point. He admits he is fairly miserable too. I can't even tell him I love him anymore. I don't even know if I do. Almost everything he does irritates me to death now. (yes, even his heavy breathing at night!!) I just wear ear-plugs and put a pillow over my head. Whenever he tries to hug me I tell him in no uncertain terms to keep his hands off me. The rage and resentment for all the unkept promises and huge fights has taken a toll.
I am resentful I have a spouse who is so distracted and forgets things all the time. I'm resentful that on date nights he tells me he has to work to pay attention to me. (I take that personal!) I'm resentful of the freakin pipe-dream he gave me prior to marrying him as this isn't what I expected at all. I am resentful I do not have my own child and have 4 who think I'm pretty "cool" but who will never see me or love me as their real mother. Yet their real mother is honestly neglectful. I don't get much appreciatation for what I do for them by anyone... in fact I get more guilt trips from his mother that I should do even more..even when they do not live with us. She does this because the biomother is so neglectful and has given up with her so she tossed the towel to me. Still she lets the biomother use her shower and hems her clothes and it's really messed up! I don't get any really attention from anyone. I'm just the maid/nanny/ NAGGING RESENTFUL WIFE!
I feel overwhelmed and it's affecting my health. I told him I'm at a pont where I am just trying to fix me now and where my head is at. I plan on going to Al-anon again b/c it might help with negativity.
I really need some objective feedback here.