When do my needs get met?

When do I get to hurt?  When is it my turn to be the one who needs help?  If it's not the ADHD, then it's the depression that disrupts our marriage.  Although my husband does contribute in some ways to the running of the household and family, I feel like the lion's share is on my shoulders.  I don't feel like I can fully trust him since he's proven he lacks the ability to follow through on things that are important.  It hurts to see him hurting, but I am too.  He used to give me so much emotional support and now I feel like I get none.

Welcome to the forum,

Welcome to the forum, KatieDW.  Many people who come here have had similar experiences with their spouses or partners with ADHD.  For many years, my husband was disengaging from providing emotional support to me but at least he was working and for that, I was very grateful.  Then he got fired, and for the past four years, I have been not only the person doing most of the household and parenting work but also the primary breadwinner, and all without emotional or physical support from my husband.  It makes me very sad.  I grieve the loss of my marriage.

The only things that have helped are working on strengthening myself and on adjusting to the fact that although my husband is alive and we're still married, in reality, I must function as a single person and head of household.  Both are hard to do.  I'm exhausted and disheartened much of the time.  I resent having to live with the duties and responsibilities of a single person while not having the freedom to do what single people do (date, support only myself and my children).  But things are getting better, bit by bit.

We're here for you.

Wish I had advice for you,

Wish I had advice for you, KatieDW.  All I can say is that I understand completely.  It is so hard. 

I'm So Exhausted's picture

That about sums it up

Aw, Katie DW, I can say that I know how you feel.  The list of  longings of a wife who spouse struggles with the negative aspects of ADHD include "When do MY needs get met."  We shoulder more and more and more, until we are juggling everything - and no one notices if we cry.

You are not alone in this!