Submitted by yvonne5272 on 08/18/2010.
We just discovered that my husband has ADHD which explains so much, but his first appt with the psychiatrist isn't till 9/1. I'm at the end of my rope here. I don't know if I can make it. We've been going to marriage counseling which now seems like a waste of time since it wasn't geared toward helping us with one of us having ADHD. His stress level is high and therefore his temper is terrible. I feel I can't talk to him. He goes from 0-10 in a second. We have a three year old and I have to think about him and what this is all doing to him. We're constantly fighting and its not right. I don't know if I have the strength to stay in this... some advice please
Now that you know about the
Submitted by jennifer1788 on
Now that you know about the ADHD, it may make it easier to intervene and try to improve your marriage.
However, and the thing that I'm struggling with now, is that I have ADHD and I'm pretty convinced my co-habitating boyfriend has it too (and we've been together for a long time). It explains much of the things that have always bothered me.
But, throughout this time, I've come to terms with something important: Having ADD/ADHD doesn't give you the right to treat people cruelly and get away with it many times. While there are people who have ADD that are more likely to act a certain way, there is still some part of them that can choose whether or not to act the way they do (although the brain is powerful). I had a moment of empathy for my boyfriend and wanted to forgive him for some of the unfavorable things he's done, but I realized that I have ADHD and that I can still choose to treat him properly, even though I'm more prone to doing things that annoy him.
Also, be careful, that even if your husband is responsible for all the major problems in your relationship, try not to turn everything on him (or at least don't make it seem like you are) because if you are too quick to point out all those issues, you'll be in trouble and things will end up getting significantly worse, and then they may not get better.
I hope that helped a little bit! Good luck with everything, its a hard journey.
can you make it?
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Jennifer gives you good advice below. Have you considered a vacation of some sort? Perhaps visiting family for a week of the remaining time? Understand that if you husband is diagnosed and begins to take medication that is just the start of the process - it's not a magic bullet that suddenly makes things better. You will still both have lots of work to do.
Reach out for support from others so you aren't in this alone.
Read all you can to get perspective about what's going on, particularly how to deal with his temper.
Figure out what you want for yourself and your child so that as your husband is working on the ADHD issues you can be working on your won issues. Who do you want to be? What sort of behavior do you want to model for your child? How do you get to that place?
Perhaps these will give you some things to focus on besides just how broken it all feels.