When to end the marraige if ADHDer won't get help

I am new to this site and feel like I just found the world's most perfect support group.  I have never even blogged or chatted before, but I am desperate.  14 years together, my ADHD husband has a good, kind heart, and we still love each other, but it has just become too much.  His denial would probably be the worst part.  Every single thing I have read on here hits home.  Horrible money problems, career problems, personal relationships, self-confidence problems, defensiveness to the point of horrible (impulsive) anger, withdrawal,- then on my part, playing the "mother" role, criticizing, doing things FOR him, completely taking over, no trust, and have lost all respect, I could go on and on.  I have done 3 years of counseling, read all the codependancy books, tried to remain "hands off" and really tried to change and be a better person.  The woman I was becoming was a nasty, vile, anxiety ridden, mean person.  Then when I finally asked him to leave because of his habit of "omitting" important information that got us into trouble, the depression set in.  That was one year ago, and he is no further.  He has begged and sobbed and wants to get a grip on this ADHD, but now the depression of losing his job, home, family, has him paralyzed.  I am just sick.  This is a GOOD person who wants to do better, but doesn't know where to start.  Everytime I think, just divorce him, it doesnt seem to change the fact that I still love him.  No drugs, no alchoholism, no cheating, just ADHD, and an unsupportive family (his family).  In many ways he was a great husband and father (emotionally) but he withdrew into a shell as his probems worsened, and the denial got deeper.  PLEASE: has anyone out there come back from such a deeply horrible situation- a seperation where there is still love, but a lot of functioning problems?  I can feel us growing apart, because he is afraid to come back and "screw everything up" again?  Also, he takes Adderral and Wellbutrin daily.