When partner blames you, should you just let him believe he's correct?

I am new to this site and have been so bashed by my husband's pastor and brother to believe that I am crazy.  We were married a year ago but my ex never moved in. Every time he did he would have an explosion and take whatever he had at my house and leave usually calling police and telling them all sorts of things like I'm dangerous, I had a gun and I was drunk. Fortunately, the police saw that he was the one that was out of control. But his brother told me to stop all the drama and blamed me for his outpatient hospital treatment last year. I should mention that my ex has terrible self esteem problems and will exaggerate, has OCD because therapist explained that unless he has everything in a certain order his mind can't concentrate and he gets very angry.  So I understand this is why he won't move in with me.

Well, my husband (ex) had open heart surgery a couple weeks ago and I brought him to my house to care for him. I was exhausted from trying to get him to eat his low sodium food and he can't stand my driving and he couldn't drive and sat in back seat (to protect his chest in case air bag went off) and he was livid with me and I am a safe driver.

Here is the real problem. My ex had another one of his episodes called me a bitch and told me that I was ten times worse than his ex-wife who was a cheating alcoholic and horrible person.  I have had enough experience that I am used to that and was just going to let things blow over but I did tell him to go stay with his brother because he was not letting me go to sleep and I was exhausted. This is strange and so I wonder if anyone else experiences this?  My husband told me that in two seconds he would plaster my dead body on the wall. He's a third degree black belt and that shut me up and I just told him to wait outside for his brother.  Well, he went called 911 and once again accused me of punching him. He called the police again but they already knew he made up things but went to emergency room and was hoping to find evidence that I punched him (and of course there was none. It was ridiculous. I was the one who bugged him to go in for heart tests and spent every waking moment going through the surgery and recovery. I would then punch him which could kill him? He convinced me that I was drunk because I had had a drink to relax and was in a black out. However, after listening to his version things just didn't make sense and I knew he was delusional or lying. For example after I locked the front door he came back in the back door for his shaving supplies. Now, if I was punching him and he was afraid that I would open his surgical wound, would anyone in their right mind come back in the house to get his razor?

This is just typical of what I am accused of and blamed for all the time. Today I told him that I love him but I really don't feel comfortable with my ex telling police and brother that I'm psychotic. My doctor, friends, and family  want me to get him out of my life but I do want to try but if he is certain that I am the one with problem how can we try to live together?  I have changed myself and rarely lose my temper with him and for a while we got along great as I would get us both laughing when he said something totally rude and mean.

This website has already helped me a lot because my self esteem has suffered being with my ex. I have a tendency to blame myself and when everyone is telling me that I'm the problem and I'm crazy I feel awful. I read what other partners have gone through and see this is very serious. I am a Christian and pray for him but I feel that my ex is having a very negative affect on my sons and friends as I am often very depressed. He admits he is verbally abusive and once he said something really nice to me and I asked him if he really thought that about me why he always tells me I 'm so awful. My ex said that he thinks I'm too good for him and he's afraid I will leave him. I haven't left him in a year and don't want to.  Any input would be appreciated.