When we finally seem to be communicating....Grrr @&%#!!!

"I can't get my partner to listen to me and understand things from my point of view."
"If my partner only understood things through my eyes, he or she would then change and do things my way."

Exactly how I feel - though I know it's not true in reality that someone will change if they realize your point of view on certain things.

I can't help feeling this way after 2 years our communication doesn’t seem to work itself out for the better part of our time together. I envy that in some relationships I see everyday the communication just flows between the couple and I want it to be that way for me and the guy I love.

I do know that there are things about him that I would not trade the world for and then there are things about the ADD that make me want to drop a planet on his head at times so he'll wake up and stop repeating the same crap over & over again, even though I DO know some of the repeats may be out of control.

I love him!

But at times the characteristics that stem from the ADD make me feel like I hate him at times and it is difficult to differentiate the ADD actions from the non-ADD actions.

We have spurts of good and sometimes even 'Great' days of communication between us where nothing could make us falter and then out of no where, unexpected for some reason someone 'seems' to have a tone or throws out an attitude that was not 'intended' to sound that way, however non-the-less still came across that way. Then one of us proceeds to get highly offended regardless if was an intentional tone or not inevitably leading to a battle only the strong at heart can survive.

It leaves me screaming inside my head "what's the deal with us?" why can't our communication stay on track? I am aware my fiance has ADD and I am also aware that I am a control freak - in order for me to live happily I need a quiet, routine existence which is the life I lived for the most part before I met my fiance. This leave room for disaster from the start and I think after two years I've only realized that part recently which could be for the better but also makes me realize a lot of scary things that could happen in my future.

If there was ever 'a rock & a hard place' I think fighting to refine a relationship that struggles with ADD/ADHD is it - for me at least. Trying to keep the communication flowing feels like a full time job in itself most of the time and it gets exhausting and discourages me mentally when we have a few short days a good communication and then it all falls apart again...

Counseling would be great on a weekly basis if we weren't young and broke, he goes once monthly and I go with him which seems to help us smooth things over the days following our monthly appointment but it's not enough. In order to keep that flow we would need to be go weekly. It's like maintaining a garden it seems - once you forget to water it for week the flowers start to wilt, they come back to life with a little water every few weeks but honestly it's not a way to live when I know we could have it better and we should. It is frustrating not being able to do more about it which I know would help us. We REALLY need to learn new ways of communication that work with one another and stick to implementing them consistently.

I've been reading Melissa's book over the past 4 weeks, trying to pace myself in order to fully understand each step before moving to the next one. I figure this way, I can put my full concentration into one step at a time and give myself a little time in between to watch how we implement the steps into our relationship and if they are working for us. So far everything we have read my fiance has said there is nothing he has read that is not 100% true of himself - this sent fear and relief through me all at once. I'm only half way through the book though I do feel it is a mgaic wand of sorts helping us to see that we are not 'nuts' in what we are experiencing from either side and it is helping us to put new perspective into some things.

The communication has a loooooooooooooooooooooong way to go, we get upset with each other at least 4 out of the 7 days a week and 2 or 3 of those lead into blow outs of proportional size....I'm hoping this lessens as we find more methods and help for communication & ADD in relationships.