When You Both Have ADHD

 I've been mildly struggling with ADHD probably since childhood but of course, I just thought I was stupid. Into adulthood, I began to joke about it around people, saying I should have been born a blonde. I guess that was the only way I knew how to defend myself.  In 2006, at the age of 50,  I finally went to see a doctor because I began having trouble at work accomplishing simple tasks.  I have been on different medications and at this time  things are pretty much under control inside my brain, although I do have some "off" days in which everything that I'm doing feels unaccomplished and all over the place.  I married hubby in 2007.  Within a week of being married,  I began to see some typical ADHD behaviors in him, but I thought - "nah". he's probably tired.  Hubby washes dishes, but I have to wash them over again because he leaves food on them. I got home one day and found two burners on in the kitchen.. He breaks things, stains my carpets and towels with bleach (don't ask me how - don't ask him either because he doesn't know) He has broken some of my favorite things.  He has no clue how to manage finances and he doesn't really listen to me. He forgets all of his appointments, and all of the phone calls he has to make.  He's a comic book artist and at times he can't figure things out on something he might have to draw.  He gets contracts and never finishes them through.

I took him to my doctor and, of course he was diagnosed with ADHD.  Like me, hubby never knew he had ADHD.  He has gone all his life believing he had some sort of retardation and has been very ashamed of himself.  When I think of that, it breaks my heart.  The doctor prescribed Straterra.  He took it for about 3 months but he didn't like the way it made him feel. (neither did I)  He became extremely mean and aggressive.  Mind you, he is generally the kindest and meekest person I know.  We saw just a little improvement in his symptoms, but not much. The doc played around with the dosage a little.  Hubby would be good for a couple of days, but for the most part, not much improvement.  So, he stopped taking the medication and does not want to try any other because he has high blood pressure.

Things are difficult and about a week ago, I blew up at him for the very first time.  I let out so much anger and frustration that I felt relieved.  I know he doesn't deserve that, he's a very good man.

I'm at a loss, he's at a loss, we don't know what else to do.. 

PS - I love him with all my heart and soul...