When your family has a very odd child

I feel strange posting in this section as I do not have children.  However my husband and I are concerned about some of the kids on his side of the family.  Especially 1 odd young girl who seems to get odder with each passing year. Since we aren't parents, we can only discuss symptoms and possible causes and maybe give them an idea to talk over with their doctor.  Her ADD seems to be the bottom of the totem pole for their treatment though because she also has had some serious allergy/sinus issues.

But after spending time recently with this child, we are more worried than ever.  Her cousin is probably about 35 and went to a special school for ADHD and dyslexia (which her parents considered sending her to the same school but decided not to due to $ and also because most of the classmates would be male and she seemed to be too interested in boys for her age).  This cousin will never be a real contributing member of society, his parents have to care for him as his attempt to live on his own was a disaster, his marriage was a nightmare, and this was with all the help medical science could offer at the time, and she is getting little to no help with her ADD and we are just concerned.

I know a lot of you are dealing with ADD children.  And I guess some of you are probably dealing with children who come across as odd to other children or even adults.  How do you go about giving them the very best chance to have a successful life?  How do you.....I don't know address the oddness that keeps the other kids from wanting to be their friend and even adults in the family from wanting to spend too much time with her?

She is almost a teenager.  She can be a terrible sullen brat (yeah most teens can but she seems early for it and doesn't seem on par as far as behavior with the other children we know well at her age).  From childhood she was a tantrum thrower.  She seems completely unable to self-soothe and her parents have dealt with that completely over the top by rushing to soothe her all the time.  Since her ADD seems to cause within her terrible attention seeking behavior, well you can just imagine how she goes about getting her parents to rush to her side.  They received good counsel about curbing this behavior but now they are divorcing sooo.....well competing for the kids attn seems to be happening.

Her mom (likely also with ADD) was a horrible drama seeker....and kinda maybe still is....and there is a younger brother in the mix now.  VERY ADHD and very charming (and young) so ppl tend to laugh at behavior that is just so ugly when she does it.  This girl.....it sound horrible to say it about a family member but she is not personable & has literally no charm.

She was better when she was the only child, but now that she feels she is fighting for attention......like I said yearly she gets worse.  It can feel like an assault to spend an evening with her.  How will she ever get friends like that?!  We can't think of one real friend she's had in her 12 years.  That is sad......and doesn't bode well!

Socially she is soo painfully awkward.  We think it could possibly be because her parents have changed her school almost every year of her life and a couple times she's had more than 2 in the same year.  They seem to think a new school is the answer as soon as she has issues.  That compounds the friends issue as well as the fact that they physically move a lot and where they live now has no kids her age.

She is a smart young lady....definitely did better in school at younger ages.  She likes creativity like writing and jewelry making, but what she makes and writes isn't very good.  Now you obviously don't tell a child this, but her parents seem to come from the school of thought that you praise everything the child does to the utmost regardless of what it is.

This poor kid is baffled now cause her family seems to think she is a genius but at school she has no friends and her teachers are not impressed with her efforts.

Anyone in this boat?  What can be done to help her?  And as the adults who cringe to spend too much time with her sometimes, what can be done to help us be more tolerant?  I understand what is at the root of her behavior......I really do......but at the end of the day it just needs to stop no matter what is at the root, right?