Where are the men?

Based on what little I've read, there are more men with ADHD than women.  I guess that makes me a minority, any other men out there?  I am really struggling.  I have been married for almost 11 years, have a stepdaughter and two sons.  We went to counseling last summer  because I had threatened to leave if our non-existent, no wait, we did it three times in 2013 (and yes, I kept track!), sex life didn't improve.  At the first session, we were talking through some issues and counselor says to my wife, "Have you been tested for ADD?"  So there goes anything I was hoping to gain from counseling. 

So she got tested, it was confirmed, and she got medication.  Since that time a year ago, I have to have more patience, be more understanding, talk MORE, listen MORE, yet all of the same issues persist.  I feel like this just gives her an excuse and it's on me to educate myself and be more understanding.  Seriously?  I already have enough on my plate.  I am the breadwinner, I coach my kids sports teams, I can handle all aspects of housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it...)  I don't feel like I should have to make any more accommodations for my wife.  We have unfinished home projects (she loves to ALMOST finish painting a room), a mountain of debt, laundry that can't get put away - accumulates in piles throughout the house, dishes that pile up, she can't clean up after herself, we can't drive together to kids games because she can't be ready on time, she naps excessively and ignores the kids.  

I have thought about leaving a handful of times.  We have had these conversations.  The only reason I could come up with to stay, was because of the kids.  The more I read, this is not a good reason to stay.  So we are trying to make a last ditch attempt to make the marriage work.  A new twist is that after wanting sex and not getting it for so long, I'm starting to feel less and less attracted to my wife.  She has gained a lot of weight and isn't really working on taking it off.  I am physically fit, generally eat pretty healthy and workout almost everyday.  I don't feel that is holding up her end of any part of the marriage bargain.