it's been only a few weeks since my emotianal breakdown and in the midst of screaming "this is just not normal" at everyone around me, wondering the ever consuming "is it me? or is it everyone else" that I found my way to a doctor and counselor who ever so non-chalantly said adhd sounds like the demon your after. after a bunch of tests it was confirmed.
day one: denial-my life is over (if it ever began) is anything I thought real actually real or was it a lifetime of "filling in the blanks" with random stuff.
day two: no end in sight-pushed my husband to get a divorce so he could live a normal life and began questioning if we even knew each other at all let alone like each other
day three: teeter totter-all day marathon about whether or not the diagnosis of adhd is true/valid or if a large part of the world is just refusing to accept alternate thinking patterns
day four: speed read-all day/night (on meds) marathon of researching behavioral patterns and happy endings online finding a unhappy balance of viewpoints leading to no firm conclusion
day five: leap of faith#1-as the general rule from childhood goes "if everyone is against you....its not them...it's you" till now believing I was simply an exception to that general rule decided that I would make possibly my first firm decision...that it was me not everyone else.
day 6: leap of faith#2-my whole life was not completely inaccurate due to filling in blanks...merely the viewpoint at which I experienced it.
day seven: leap of faith#3-regardless of the grim outlook of a happily ever after with adhd/non I decided firmly I WOULD have mine.
day eight: miracle#1-after only a short talk (realised this shorter thing works better) my husband decided firmly he wasnt just going to take a chance that we could repair or that once we figured this out we might like each other...he decided we WOULD like each other.
day nine: tossed out conventional-decided based on unending information given in books and other outlets yet the few happy ending they produced combined with the length of recovery and varied results to try something that made sense to me (yes this was a risk considering the way my brain works :)
day ten: reverted back to denial and had a horrible day
day eleven: back on the teeter totter
day twelve: getting seasick from the teeter totter
day thirteen: decided there was no way I'd make if I tried to stay on that tetter totter and skipped back up to day nine
day fourteen: sat down to study patterns and connections. although causing pain in the past I realised using my ability in a clearer mind with a destination might have an alternate ending
day fifteen: asked my husband to participate in an extreemly frustrating day of questions to complete my puzzle
day sixteen: math vrs language- found out there were numerous every day things that we said to each other that overlapped in one huge area causing enormous misscommunication/anger
day seventeen-twenty one: compiling a list of my thoughts and ideas in an organised way and gave it to my husband to ask his opinion (no longer trust that I know everything and I'm a genius :)
day twenty two: our first no arguement/frustrating day in almost 7 years.
I am now on day 3 of this experiment and just ran out of time but will post the questions I had when I get back in a bit, if anyone would take the time good or bad to answer once I have them up by their view or whatever I wont take offense or anything just curious if I'm way off.