Where does ADHD stop and responsibility begin?


You'll have to forgive me if someone else has posted about this, I however am new and desperate. I have noticed reoccurring problems with my wife and I. She has worked so hard to fix them on her end, and I kept feeling as though she was doing nothing. It kept happening over and over again, and I kept nagging. Then I finally realized the problem is not with her, it's me.

I have an amazing wife. I do not say so lightly. We aren't your typical couple. I mean to say, that she and I were just friends in the beginning, then lovers, and now soul mates. i guess in a way maybe we were soul mates before. She is the first woman to whom I've been able to be myself, truly myself no more hiding behind a veneer coating of smiles and laughs. Someone that knows my sadness, anger, frustration, joy, accomplishment, honor. To whom I am able to walk naked around the house, and read comics (yes comics, graphic novels are a PR scheme that worked). I too know her, more intimately then I'd ever imagined being able to know someone. I feel anchored when I'm with her, complete.

Our situation is that I'm a trucker (don't knock it, if you have it, it's because we've hauled it.) I work for a great company, good benefits, I'm home 2-3 days a week! I know some of you reading this won't understand, but know this; most folks in my profession aren't home that many days a month. It's hard still, but we make do. She's a full time college student, runs a game or two for her friends and stays busy. Six and a half days a week we spend only a few moments talking on the phone. Ten minutes here, thirty there, two before her class, maybe fifteen while I'm parked somewhere. We always try to call each other when we wake up and before bed. I try to let her know I'm safe, whenever I'm in bad weather, and she tries not to let me know she's worried sick. I guess in a way she believes that it'll make my job harder if I know she's worried.

What I thought the problem was, that on Saturday nights, (which is typically my long-haul night) she doesn't always answer her phone. We are monogamous, and I have no doubts of her fidelity so that's not the issue. See, she works so hard all week, going to classes Monday, Wednesday and Friday; doing homework the others. On Saturday night, she and her friends go out to Karaoke and relax. I know the bar is loud, and she's distracted. See, when I would call on Saturday evening/night, when she did talk to me I felt that she wanted to rush me off the phone, or that she didn't want to talk. Honestly I felt that I wasn't as important to her. Selfish ignorant thought I know. 

I spend hours and hours and hours in the same 10ft cube, all day/night pretty much. Perhaps not the most ideal place for someone to try and sort their thoughts. I know that my wife loves me, I know in my heart of hearts that she is faithful, and despite some honesty issue's we had in the past, she is honest. Though, I cannot for the life of me get past this, and I fear it may be the death of my marriage. Thus, here I am, desperate for answers; if there's anyone out here with constructive input, I surely appreciate it.