So, we've come to the point in our therapy sessions where it's all out on the table now!
I am Codependent.
He has ADHD.
I was told to stop controlling him, telling him how he should treat his symptoms, how he should behave towards me. Instead, I should just let him know how I feel and what I want and need (which I've done millions of times, therefore according to our therapist, need not mention anymore) and leave it up to him to make the changes and get the help. (accept responsibility and take initiative)
This is soo scary for me! My partner has already expressed to me that he doesn't want to do any more, or get any more help. He's content the way he is and just wants me to accept him the way he is. :(
I also know I am not happy with the way things are between us and that I NEED change and I NEED him to get a better handle on his symptoms in order for 'us' to ever work. He too is unhappy with the way things are between us but blames my anger. (which stems from his behaviours--but this is the part he's not connected quite yet)
At this point I am not to talk about my issues surrounding the relationship with him anymore (or until our next session) because talking doesn't help, and he already knows what I need from him. I'm just suppose to wait and (hopefully) see the changes...
He told the therapist he's making all these changes but I'm just not seeing them (?). The therapist said that in that case he needs to start showing me in different ways! (I'm not at all sure about these so called "changes", but anyhow...)
It's scary that I'm not going to be able to talk to him about the relationship over the next few weeks. It's scary to step out of the "control seat" and allow him to take the reins and show me he cares about getting "well". I feel like he's not going to do anything at all. I feel like he's going to forget about the session all together! :(
It's scary because I'm not sure he's going to do anything differently...
The therapist asked what my plan of action would be if he decides to do nothing at all? I replied that I would have no choice but to leave because this relationship simply doesn't make me feel healthy, happy or normal and that time is passing me by.
She said that was fair, now he knows and lets see how he applies effort with this knowledge about my feelings.
All I have to say is.... eek, big changes may be coming our way! I just hope he makes the right moves because it would suck to lose someone so spectacular over ADHD--something perfectly manageable! But, at the same time, I have to start taking care of me and I have to start living my life... not his life anymore!
Letting go of the Codependency is my work and it's REALLY REALLY hard!!!! It's hard to stop telling someone how you think they can live happier, especially when you love them. He's a grown man and I don't need to mother him or tell him how he should live/behave. If I'm not happy, I've expressed it. If it doesn't change due to his lack of desire to change it, I must move on. :'(
I really hope this works out for the two of us.... And if not, I really hope I have the strength to accept that it didn't work out and move on.