Where's the wallet?

My spouse lost/misplaced his wallet . . . again.

He asked me for some cash and my debit card to use for the day.  I gave him some cash, but told him I needed my debit card.  He left.  He is 'pretty sure' the wallet is here - out in the yard, out in the barn, lost among all the junk back there.

My stomach is in knots.    Who takes care of the money/finances in our home - yep, it is me.



I used to drop everything to

I used to drop everything to look for my spouse's missing bills, checkbook, wallet, eyeglasses, sunglasses you name it. Didn't realize how I spent what amounted to hours upon hours of searching when he couldn't just sit down and visualize where he last left his checkbook. One time, he insisted up and down he didn't leave his checkbook in the attic. Even got mad at me for accusing him of poor memory re attic. So I search the house for a few days. Finally, I had a sinking feeling as I went up to the attic. It was sitting there right on the attic couch where he'd left it.

Last night, he needed the paperwork (as he does every month) for a meeting he had to go to. He told me he misplaced his paperwork. I swept my eyes over the ground floor briefly and told him it's not around where I looked. He eventually found it on his own (he's just started Adderall btw). After the meeting, I found he had tossed the paperwork into our son's open diaper bag on his way in the house. I had to take it back out and put it where it belonged.

The less I became embroiled in his "Where's Waldo" scenarios, the more I regained my calm. Don't take on the absent-minded-professor-spouse's problem. Do the minimum that says you care, but not so much you're feeling tension and anxiety. He will be the one to find his wallet. He will be the one to go to the bank and get a new card, new license, etc etc.  Do not take on any of that which he brought upon himself.

Good thing you kept your debit card, he might lose that too if you let him. He's going to get to the point where he's desperate and will need to resolve it himself by finding that wallet.

He could also attach some kind of beeper device on to a wallet with a key fob; you hold the pager.

I'm So Exhausted's picture

24 hours later still M.I.A.

Since he is "sure" the wallet is here on our property somewhere, he is not concerned.

I will try my best not to fix it.  No looking.  No replacing bank cards for him.  Or Medical insurance cards. Or who knows what all else was in there. Cash?

I remember well when we dated - over 30 years ago - more than once, sitting in a restaurant while he went home to get the wallet he had misplaced/forgotten.  

He mowed over his 'lost' wallet with the lawn tractor a few years ago - shredded everything.  

Funny thing, he will recite all the steps he took to prove why the wallet is not lost - but it is.  "I had it here, I had it there, I had it here, I had it there, but where it it?"

It seems sort of silly - I keep checking our online banking to make sure no one has, and is using, the debit card.  Sigh.

Been there...

My husband used to drive me to distraction with this sort of thing but that mainly doesn't happen if he stays on his medication. Some medications made it worse for him though... but the right medication and he rarely has this problem now.

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Joke's on me

I was thinking how nice it was not to worry, knowing my spouse would have to go get a new debit card/license/gas credit card if he didn't find his wallet.

LOL!  Forgot that since our son became  business partners with his Dad, he had cards - - - so my husband got my son's cards this morning.  LOL!!! 

My son wasn't telling his Dad no!!  Don't blame him.